I think we can all agree that there are differences in raising boys and raising girls. It is still the act of raising kids, but there are some big differences.
I am a mother to a 9 year old boy, an almost 3 year old boy, and step mother to an 11 year old boy. That's a lot of boy! Boys are sweet, and they love their mother. They are tough and they are sensitive. They are malicious and they are thoughtful. They are busy and they are relaxed. They are fulfilling and exhausting. They are polite and they are gross. They are funny and they are crude. I've always loved this about boys, even as a girl. They are all over the place.
Sometimes I think I will rip my face right off after dealing with spastic boys all day. They are non stop. I get tired of hearing my own voice speak out loud. Their competitive nature can be annoying, their rebuttals can be infuriating, and their constant noise-making is draining. They are also some of the sweetest souls to walk the earth.
I so easily feel conflicted on how to react to some of the 'boy' stuff. I want them to be strong and take on the world but, I want them to feel secure with feeling their emotions. It used to be that boys shouldn't cry and boys shouldn't express their feelings. Now you have the new age parenting of feeling everything to extreme depth and sharing those feelings to be a 'good man'. I guess you could say I am in the middle. I just want them to be who they are, love themselves, be OK with showing the world who they are. Emotions are tough, and if you have to have a good cry, cry it out! We don't need to get all cry baby status about every little thing that stresses you, but if emotions are overwhelming, crying is NORMAL. On the other end, I think a huge gift in life is to be a rock to someone, even if it's just once. Having someone be your rock is equally as precious. I want them to experience both in the purest form. I want to let them be boys.
I want them to handle things, work through things, but not be afraid to ask for help. I want them to let other people see them clearly. I want them to think of others feeling, but not put aside their own. I want them to make people laugh. I want them to work hard and cherish what they have.
Boys are hard! They are rowdy, and passionate, and argumentative, and full of testosterone. As mothers to boys, how often do you find yourself saying "Calm down", "chill out"? I say it all the time!
Something that used to make me want to growl and show my teeth was comments from other mothers. Mothers who didn't even have boys, and if they did, they were under 2 years old. I would just growl inside and think of how ignorant people can be.
Do my boys have a lot of energy? Do my boys talk too much in class? Do my boys get in trouble for making fart noises in the library at school? Are my boys messy and unorganized? Do my boys actually enjoy teasing their sisters? Do my boys get caught making inappropriate comments (butt, fart, etc.)? Does it seem that my boys never run out of energy? Do my boys have trouble sitting through a movie or doing any one task for longer than 30 minutes? Why yes, yes to all of the above! They are BOYS you jack asses!! This is them. This is their nature! These are boys that become doctors and lawyers. These are boys who become counselors to others. These are the boys that open their own business. These are the boys that become hard working men, putting muscle and sweat into their jobs. These are men who become great fathers and responsible adults with huge futures in their forecast. This is the blood flowing through their veins and if you don't have a boy, you don't understand.
Not every boy is the same but, even the tamest of boys has it in him somewhere. Get two or three boys together and watch the explosive hyperactive carnival that takes place. They love it!!! You could be one of those moms that like to pretend your boy isn't like all the others. Your boy is polite and completely composed at all times. Hopefully you will choose to stop exhausting your energy on this silly game and let your boy be a boy, it will do wonders for him, and you.
Being a typical boy does not mean they go without manners. We teach manners to our children. They can be as wild as they come and still have wonderful manners. Manners are taught. I think that is what other mothers don't realize. That wild, and spirited behavior does not equal rude. It isn't rude that the boy doesn't sit and play with dolls, or love to watch movies and sit still, it means he is a boy and he is different. Being a boy doesn't mean going without feelings either. I tend to think that boys feel a little deeper than girls sometimes. Girls are pre programmed to talk about their feelings. Big feeling, little feeling, all of it, we talk, talk, talk. Boys, on the other hand, tend to keep it in. It all boils up inside and comes out in other ways. They aren't as verbal about their feelings, but that doesn't mean they don't have them.
I had learned a lesson early on in my mother-of-a-boy journey. I vented. I shared my feelings on my exhaustion and how I was at a loss on what to do with my wild 5 year old. I worried about him, but really I was worried that I wasn't doing the right things. Was I disciplining enough? Too much? For the wrong reasons? Was he an angry boy? Was he too sensitive? Was he too hyper? Was he missing something from me? Did he have ADHD? Did he need something more than I was giving him? No, he was fine.
He needed me to realize that he is a boy. A boy with large amounts of energy, feeling, and spit-fire, with smaller amounts of attention span, patience, and obedience. He was a boy! A real boy! I struggled for a while with the feeling that these other mothers talked as if he were a trouble maker or bad kid. I finally came to terms with the fact that they don't get it. They don't get having boys and what boys are all about, and what being a mother to a boy is all about. My boy wasn't failing, he wasn't being bad, he was being a boy. He was a quick learner, he did well in school, he had friends, and he treated others well. Are their limits? Of course! He is a kid! Do I still tell him to calm down and chill out? YES! I can't do noise all day.
Only the mother of a boy knows how sincerely sweet and caring her boy is. He says "I love you" more than the girls, he still likes to cuddle, he would stand up for his mom at the drop of a hat, he takes pride in protecting the sister than he terrorizes, and he can't get over how cute animals are. He is sweet, and has a tame heart.
My youngest is almost 3 and he is quite the boy already. He climbs things, and jumps off them. He sneaks candy and soda, he throws things in the house for no apparent reason. He makes a really mean face when he is told no and he stomps away. He breaks things, runs.....fast. He is hard to ware out. He is a perfect little boy.
He also loves to smooch, loves to hug. He argues with us that he loves us more, he shares, he comforts his crying sister, he's a sweetheart. He's a boy.
So let your boys be boys, teach them impressive manners, and don't give a second thought to what other mothers imply about your wild boy, they simply don't get it.
Real boys become real men and we need plenty of those in the world.
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