This particular morning I was giving my oldest son a gentle, friendly talk about how he needs to be more positive. To talk positive, think positive, and only speak of positive. That this small effort would make his day a better one by automatically adjusting his attitude. I made it sound so simple. I went on and on about how what really matters is how we react to things, not really the "things" that happen. I told him I didn't want that bad juju in the start of my day and I didn't want it for him either. He asked me (with a bit of irritable sarcasm), "So, you're saying if I don't act more positive then bad things will happen?"
"No", I said. "You will be setting yourself up for a bad day is all."
Not two minutes later, I leaned way over the counter to wipe the other side. When I returned to a vertical stance my daughter said, "Oh mom! What happened to your brand new shirt?!"
Bleach! Bleach happened! Somehow I seem to get bleach on my shirts on a consistent basis. I wasn't even using bleach!
My natural reaction was attempting to push its way through the door. I wanted to curse and maybe throw the sponge across the kitchen into the sink.
As I look down at the bleach stain though, I noticed that it was looking back at me. There it was like on Forrest Gump, a perfect upside down smiley face made of bleach on my new shirt.
I stood there, looking at it. I swear I could hear it saying, "Now now, let's show your boy all about that positive attitude you were lecturing about. Be sure you prove to him how your reaction is what matters the most".
I was so torn for the moment. I just bought this shirt! I wasn't even using any bleach! I swallowed hard and I had to laugh a little. Not a joyous laugh, but that "You got me you smiley face son of a bitch" type of laugh. All three kids were watching me closely, waiting for me to react. This was definitely a test. I could feel the scale swaying back and forth. Both the stay positive side and the throw a fit side were so heavy.
"You see!", I exclaimed. "This is just what I was talking about. Normally I would get so upset about this kind of thing but instead I'm gonna take that smiley face as a sign that I should just smile about it."
The kids all smiled and we all genuinely felt that it was a thing. A smiley thing for our morning. My son lightened up and I kept my cool.
I did replace the shirt, but I couldn't get rid of the bleached one. It didn't seem right (yet) to toss out a symbol of mindfulness.
Today, weeks later, I decided to wear that bleached shirt. I was in a piss poor mood and I thought the shirt would help remind me of the lesson we learned that day. It reminded me, but it didn't change my mood. I will give myself credit for wearing a bleached shirt to aide in my mindfulness, but I will also be mindful that sometimes you are just in a shit mood. If you can recognize that, it's the first step towards moving forward. Everything has to run its course, right?
