Make the little things big.

It has been a long, thoughtful week.  It has been full of a wide range of activities and feelings. There was friends coming together for casual fun with food and laughter.  There was death and deep empathy with a thoughtful celebration of life.  There was resentment and frustration, but the beauty of  awareness making it capable to let go.  There were future plans made in excitement.  There was stress and worry about deadlines with confirmations for peace of mind. There was the challenge of being calm when it would be so much easier to let the ego take over, even for just a little bit. There were memories that take us back to a beautiful place but leave you with a bit of sadness that the place is only a memory now. 

As we live life, more and more people and places become just a memory.  It's a difficult transition to adjust to. It's painful and sad.  You are broken for a while.  You gradually come back together, but never exactly the same as before, just good enough to keep on living and loving. In a way, you become harder, your scar tissue becomes a type of shell that is hard to puncture.  At the same time though, you become much  more sensitive, things aren't always so impenetrable once they've been broken, but always resilient. That in itself is a form of strong, being resilient. If you won't allow yourself to be broken and renew,  how strong can you really be?  When you won't allow yourself to fall apart, you are hiding from pain.  As scary as it may be, it is necessary.

We all have our deamons. Some move in and out of our lives like a storm, others play a daily role, not leaving our side for long. Small joys. I've found that small joys can play a large role if you let them. Small joys are big if you see them that way.  

For me it's been a few things. Some are for me, some are for me and my connection to my family, my connection to my husband or my connection to myself. 

A spontaneous trip to the park with the kids after school. It breaks up our normal routine enough to give me a much needed boost. It may be the sunshine, the kids arguing outside instead of indoors :-) or maybe just the change of scenery in general. 

Tea. I've been drinking a beautiful cup of hot tea several times a day. I used to drink tea occasionally, usually from a coffee cup. I only pulled the tea cups out when my mom would visit. There is something about the act of drinking tea that demands respect. It forces me to sit and collect myself for a while. You can't rush through a cup of tea. I am a rusher by nature, so if I could, I would, but again there is just something about hot tea that demands respect. It takes me to a quiet place in my mind (even with noise around me and that's difficult for me!) Not many things have the ability to calm my thoughts and ease my tensions, so if a tiny cup of tea can do it, I welcome it all day! I've learned to allow it to take me to a quiet, thoughtful place of reflection and peace. I guess in a way, I drink several cups of tea, in pretty little cups and saucers as a form of meditation. For two weeks I've been taking tea with me on the go as well, so I can get to that quiet place while I'm out and about.  It's a little thing and it's big for me.

 Find what little thing is big for you, and make it even bigger.

License: <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

The Revolving Door

I didn't feel the need this year to post a New Year's blog entry.  I would typically list my New Year's intentions to look back at them later in the year to see how well I had done at committing to them.  We all know this typically leads to at least a bit of disappointment.  You can make a change for some time but can easily revert back.  My approach this year is different.  I'm looking at the year still as a metaphoric fresh start, but more in the form of a revolving door.  I am in charge of what comes in and out and I want it full of the wonderful things and people I deserve.  Not just for the year, but for my way of thinking.

A revolving door continues to move.  People go in and out, and through. Sometimes things get stuck and need a little push as it can be confusing and sometimes downright intimidating. What is going on inside of the door is changing on a consistent basis, but it possesses the solidity of staying what it truly is.  It is your responsibility to keep yourself happy. No person or thing can do this for you. People and things can bring joy, but joy isn't much enjoyed if you are not already in a state of happiness.

My intentions will continue to be my intentions, but I will be comfortable with the fact that some days I will honor my intentions, and other days I may set them aside.  No disappointment.  Everyday is a revolving door.  Every day is a fresh start.  I will remain who and what I am and continue to have consistent changes going on inside. I think that if we all become more comfortable with change, in any form, we will become more light and accepting of ourselves.  That's where all the progress begins, with self love and self acceptance.  It will then become clear to you what you desire and what you chose not to tolerate in your revolving door of life. Go after what you deserve. We all deserve our best selves. The revolving door never closes, but if you keep a steady flow of positive people, feelings, and activities, it leaves no room for the negative to creep in. There is no reason left to lock it up and hide.

I deserve plenty of good, whole foods and healthy activity revolving through my door.  Juicing, yoga, walks, hula hooping, bike riding, physical therapy.  I'm going to bask in the days and moments I'm involved in this self loving effort and will not beat myself up emotionally for the days and moments I don't do as well.  I've noticed in the past when I get off track, lets say I end up at the donut shop instead of eating oatmeal at home.  Or after a week of yoga and treadmill I don't get any activity besides housework and normal daily tasks. Instead of being OK with this small change and continuing on through the revolving door, revolving back into my good habits, I let the negative in.  The door gets clogged up with negative feelings of guilt and disappointment.  You're angry at yourself for making a poor choice and you end up stuck there, why not just eat ANOTHER donut? I already messed up.  I chose not to live there anymore.  I will make a solid effort of self love, but a big part of that is being OK and forgiving of change, even if change is eating a donut.

This door holds more than eating habits and physical activity.  The door lets in and out the kind of influence you want in your life. We all deserve beautiful souls, pure intent, and clear agendas from others. If you don't want negative influence, leave no room for it to squeeze through the door.  Fill it with positive people, positive thoughts, and things that you love. Do what serves you.  Be what serves you. Mood can be difficult.  Enjoy your good moods and try embracing your bad moods. I find that when I recognize my bad mood for what it is I can attempt to let go and get back to a more level ground. Sometimes you just have to live out your bad mood, but live it out to its end and move forward.  Harboring is exhausting and non productive. If you cannot recognize the state you are in, you will not recognize the need for change.

The most difficult feeling for me in the past has been sadness and grief.  We usually label these as negative feelings.  In reality, whatever is making you feel these feelings is the true negative culprit, the feelings are honest and true. The source could be betrayal, worry, loss, anger, heartbreak, or maybe even plain old depression. Those are negative, but the sadness and grief, although painful are natural and necessary to work through the negative situation. Separate the feeling from the cause.

Maybe you are scared, maybe you feel abandoned, maybe you lost a loved one, maybe a loved one is suffering. Are you worried about making big decisions or changes? Most of these and similar situations are out of our control, which is hard all on its own. Maybe shutting down and being alone gets you though, maybe surrounding yourself with friends and family gives you that push, maybe you cry, perhaps you write or exercise, maybe you scream into a pillow, or maybe you plow forward, not allowing yourself to feel these emotions. For some people this is how they get through a tough time, they feel it later. Every one's door revolves at it's own speed and in its own way.  Be you and do your way, but take some time to be conscious of what is revolving around and within in you. We are resilient creatures. Pain can haunt and change us, but it always leaves you deeper and with a better understanding of yourself.

What are your desires for this year? Do you want to get out more? Do you want to stay in more?  Do you want to learn more? Do you want to react less? Do you want to get healthier? I want to write more, I want to learn more in regards to knitting, I want to be more active and eat well. I want to make more time for me. I want to meditate more and stress less. We have control over all of these things simply by being conscious of what comes in and out of our revolving door. Surround yourself with who and what you love.  Be clear, to yourself and others about exactly what you want and do not want. I cannot tell you how much this simplifies your life. The more you simplify the more your door will work as a well oiled machine. Clean and free of debris.

Happy Sunday, keep revolving.

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/40650893@N04/6414291637">"Sometimes you have to forget what you want, to remember what you deserve." Unknown</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/100498911@N06/14164050480">Radical Self Love Bible | I Make Myself Happy</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/16782093@N03/4390777470">Lübeck</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>