I was so wrong! Yes, there is always someone out there who has worse things unfolding in their lives, but it should never discredit what you are feeling or going though. The truth is that we all have dark times and they are not enjoyable. Have you noticed as you get into your later twenties and into your mid-thirties that you are finding that depression is much more common than you ever thought? Why not share these hard times so others don't feel so alone about theirs?
So anyway, back to my topic. Being STRONG. What does this mean exactly? You hear people say "Be strong!", or "Stay strong!", or "I could never be that strong, I would be a mess". You really don't know what or how you are going to be until you are faced with whatever obstacle that requires you to be "strong".
I tend to get eye-rolling irritated when I see the little memes posted on social media about how the strongest women are the ones who put on a smile and cry behind closed doors. This is such bullshit!
I would never, in my life relay this type of message to my daughter. What is it going to teach her? It is telling her that no matter how deeply she is feeling sadness or anger, she should fake happiness. She should put on a smile for everyone else, then go cry alone later? I have no interest in my daughter growing up to be a tool or sheep of a woman. She is a wolf cub and she will grow to be a wolf! If you are angry, be mad! If you are hurt and it makes you want to cry, CRY! This is being real! A real life woman with feelings and emotions that she has every right to feel, no matter how anyone else feels about it.
Let's think about why we want to put on a smile when it is not true to our feelings at all. Does it make us magically feel better? Does it trick us into not feeling bad anymore? No. It is for everyone else. So everyone else doesn't have to deal with your feelings or take responsibility for their actions that may have triggered those feelings. Putting on a smile while you are miserable is not strong, it is weak! It takes courage and strength to be real, in every aspect. Not being honest about how you feel is neglecting yourself. Being true to yourself leads you into being true to everyone else. Do we really need more fake people lost in their own ego roaming the earth? Herding around after one another like sheep. No, we need strong women who honor their feelings, even when they are difficult to deal with. We need wolves!
When you are dealing with the whole "nice girl syndrome" it is an even bigger internal battle. You aren't necessarily a sheep, but you are feeling compelled to run with the sheep as to not upset them. Screw those woolly bastards! Make a conscious decision that you are not here to please sheep, you are here to please yourself and howl at the moon with your other wolf sisters. Once you become more accepting and comfortable in your wolf skin, you start noticing who the other wolves are and your sheep friends don't feel so necessary anymore. Mad love to all friends, of course. There a many sheep out there that I love and adore, we just may not run together, and guess what? That is OK too! The beauty of all of us is that we are not all the same! If you are sheep, then my goodness, be real and be a sheep! Be a hell of a sheep!
Being strong, to me, is feeling it all. I felt stronger the last few days when I could admit that I was having trouble. I was anxious and I felt that I couldn't handle too much more very well. My nerves were tangled into a frazzled mess. I didn't care to talk to anyone much (besides a few wolf sisters that understand the wolf ways), I felt it physically and emotionally. I slept much more than usual, my energy was gone, my patience was non existent, and my tolerance was a puddle of mud. I knew it wouldn't last forever. I just had to finish feeling all this dark garbage before I could start seeing the sun again. I'm getting there. Things are looking up and that is exciting! Each of us can only handle so much. For some of us it's just a cup full, for others it's a barrel, but once you get there your body and mind react and you have to listen.
Feeling your feelings can be quite a task when you have, since childhood, been taught to shy away from showing anger. I have a few wolf friends, old and new that have never struggled with this. They show all emotion as it comes, loud and proud. I have always envied that characteristic. Most of them tell me that they wish they had a better gauge for when to button it up and when to howl it out. This too, I imagine, is a process. So my loud howling wolf sisters, you and I can run our journeys side by side. I will continue to work on speaking up and you will work on being particular about your battles. Maybe you are fine with your loud howling, and if that is the case I applaud you, because you are real.
Even if your true to yourself comfort zone is with the sheep, keep an eye on your daughters, if they show the possibility of being a wolf, encourage them to roam alone or in small wolf packs to explore being the real them. Please don't make them wear whatever is trendy with the sheep and sign them up for particular extracurricular activities only because the other lambs are doing it. Give them a chance at a young age to find out who they are. Sheep or wolf, show them that you are who you really are, always. For me, that consistency serves more importance to our little women than a regular bedtime does.
