Just Hanging There

There seems to be a trend in my life lately.  There are all these "things" just hanging there.  None of them can come down until the time is right and they can't all come down at the same time.  You just have to keep on working around them and under them, waiting for them to either fall on you, or for when the opportunity arises to take them down yourself.  It's nerve wracking!

It reminds me of a Christmas tree in a way.  I love a pretty Christmas tree and all, but there is a side to it that kind of hangs there.  You can't keep it forever.  In my mind it has to come down by New Year's day.  There are all those pretty ornaments, just hanging there.  Some will stay up until it is time to come down.  Some of them will fall and break.  There are some you enjoy seeing so much that you won't want to pull them down. The puppy has gotten a hold of a few. I was either able to save them or they were destroyed, but they were all at some point just hanging there, waiting for their fate. At least you can pack that fucker up though and bring in a new year without Christmas decor.

When I have a decision to make, I let it sit for a bit while I think it through.  It's different from hanging though.  I set it aside.  I did, because it was in my control on when and how to deal with it.  I deal with it and it is done.  It's easy to feel overwhelmed with all these hanging issues to be addressed when it is in someone else's hands.  Will it happen in time?  Will it really happen?  Will the decision be best for all involved?  Will they forget and leave the issue hanging in the fog forever? Will it be handled but not perfectly, leaving mistakes to linger above your head?

It is court, it is litigation, it is research, it is future plans, it is the unknown and it is draining.  It is school, and work, and family, and friends.  It is custody and ex's and bullshit and economy. It feels like everything.  They are all not negative either, there is good shit up there hanging around too!

It feels good to finish up with some, piece by piece, but there are always some left hanging. I swear when I was younger there didn't seem to be so many hanging issues.  It felt more like things came up and they were hard and I got through them.  I get through them now, they just seem so much more important, which make them more stressful.  There is more to lose, more involved, more to worry about. 

Looking back, they used to seem like such a big deal, but compared to now they weren't so bad.  I was at a different point in my life.  I guess it is a plus that I can now function with several issues hanging over head, it just affects you differently.  In my early twenties I would probably just drink and smoke more. Now I take more hot baths, write more, and knit more. Sometimes I yell more and sometimes I cry more, but I always take an experience away with me and use it.

Things hang around all year, that is life, but I have heard so many people say that things seem to hit the fan during the holidays.  I'm sure that it just feels that way because we are all already dealing with the pressures that come with holidays.  This year I refuse to feel pressure from anyone.  Not family, not friends, not even my kids!  I won't bend to pressure from society or myself.  Christmas will be simple and enjoyable and that is all I want out of it.  All my things can hang on my mental tree and be dealt with as their times comes.  You lose a few and another is added. C'est la vie!

So acknowledge your hanging "things" but try not to worry about them over the holidays.  Worry about loving and drinking hot chocolate instead.  Your things will fall from their suspended position when they are good and ready, making room for the next. Stress makes us ugly and tired, so let us all find our most productive ways in dealing with it.

Peace be with you, really.