Simple is Best - Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas, Caffeine and Freckles readers!

This has been the most simplistic Christmas, ever. I am in love with it.  

I dreaded the holiday as it approached. It brought me down a few times. Way down.

Christmas is a love-hate relationship for me. My husband says I've been like this since my father passed away. He may have a point, but I'm too stubborn to say so. There is so much love going around this time of year that it's hard not to fall into the sadness pit about all the love you miss. The hugs you won't get from the loved ones that aren't here, the smiles you won't see. You gotta feel your sad though to appreciate the happy. 

I hate the rush and the pressure. I hate all the consumerism. I hate the worry. I hate the push to be busy when all I want to do is be free but, this year I have had such a clear view of what I love. 

I love the time with family and friends. I love the expression of appreciation. I love the beautiful lights. I love pulling out the ornaments and the flood of memories and nostalgia that come with them. I love thoughtful gifts and special treats. I love the Christmas tree. I love watching my children's eyes light up at all the magical parts of this time of year. Oh, and I love gingerbread lattes too.

It was last minute mind you  but, usually when I am dreading the build up of something, I end up embracing it fully when it finally shows up. The magic of the Christmas season is all around us.

I always worry about the shopping. This year though, Amazon was a dazzling armored knight.  I ordered most of the gifts, free two day shipping from Amazon. No lines, no driving, I didn't even have to get dressed.

Last night was Christmas Eve, we have spent it with my mom's side of the family every year since I was a little girl. A simple dinner, one gift for each person (we're a small group), a Bloody Mary, and a good time. The cousins played and adults chattered. It was warm and relaxing and we were home before it got too late.

Tomorrow will be my husband's side of the family. A nice dinner, gift exchange, and spending time together. Three days of Christmas. We see everyone with no rush. We don't have to drive far and we still have a full day at home. I'm looking forward to Granny's baked chicken and seeing Auntie Lacy tomorrow.

This Christmas has a few firsts for us. This is the first Christmas we have stayed home all day AND not hosted.

This has to be the best year so far. The kids got up at their own pace. We saw what Santa brought and exchanged gifts. The kids got to play with their new stuff while I made coffee in my robe.  The man took off to pick up the older kids and when they got back it was time for Christmas breakfast. This year was french toast.  

There was no rush, no pressure, no worry. We did our tradition of Christmas letters that they each read aloud to brag about everything we are proud of them for and we gobbled up french toast and juice. Dominique LOVES the letters.

I have beans in the crock pot for our Christmas dinner, tostadas, beans, and rice, plus a whole organic chicken slow cooking away, at my daughter's request. I cleaned up the breakfast mess and randomly took a hot bath. No rush, no pressure. 

I've been slowly sipping on a bottle of vino since noon. I mean I'm using a wine glass and all, but it's slow sippin' and buzz surfing.  My dear friend, Kinisha calls it "The Slow Grind".  Slowly grind on that wine all day. It's a slow, natural feeling buzz. :-) It's a winner. Merry Christmas, Kisha!

The man is checking out his new headset for his game, the kids are riding new bikes, and playing with new toys, the dog is napping, and I'm doing my favorite thing....whatever I want! 

No rush, no pressure, no travel, no worry. I love the music, the wine, the kids, the freedom.I love these new leggings I'm wearing that I found at Old Navy for half off. It's a perfect day.  It feels good to be home. I feel truly relaxed and the chicken smells amazing. It feels like therapy.

Keep the focus on what really matters. Love, shelter, dreams, and ambition.

Happy holidays and Merry whatever you celebrate or don't celebrate to all of you. Soak in the love and carry it into the new year.

-Caffeine and Freckles

 

Just Hanging There

There seems to be a trend in my life lately.  There are all these "things" just hanging there.  None of them can come down until the time is right and they can't all come down at the same time.  You just have to keep on working around them and under them, waiting for them to either fall on you, or for when the opportunity arises to take them down yourself.  It's nerve wracking!

It reminds me of a Christmas tree in a way.  I love a pretty Christmas tree and all, but there is a side to it that kind of hangs there.  You can't keep it forever.  In my mind it has to come down by New Year's day.  There are all those pretty ornaments, just hanging there.  Some will stay up until it is time to come down.  Some of them will fall and break.  There are some you enjoy seeing so much that you won't want to pull them down. The puppy has gotten a hold of a few. I was either able to save them or they were destroyed, but they were all at some point just hanging there, waiting for their fate. At least you can pack that fucker up though and bring in a new year without Christmas decor.

When I have a decision to make, I let it sit for a bit while I think it through.  It's different from hanging though.  I set it aside.  I did, because it was in my control on when and how to deal with it.  I deal with it and it is done.  It's easy to feel overwhelmed with all these hanging issues to be addressed when it is in someone else's hands.  Will it happen in time?  Will it really happen?  Will the decision be best for all involved?  Will they forget and leave the issue hanging in the fog forever? Will it be handled but not perfectly, leaving mistakes to linger above your head?

It is court, it is litigation, it is research, it is future plans, it is the unknown and it is draining.  It is school, and work, and family, and friends.  It is custody and ex's and bullshit and economy. It feels like everything.  They are all not negative either, there is good shit up there hanging around too!

It feels good to finish up with some, piece by piece, but there are always some left hanging. I swear when I was younger there didn't seem to be so many hanging issues.  It felt more like things came up and they were hard and I got through them.  I get through them now, they just seem so much more important, which make them more stressful.  There is more to lose, more involved, more to worry about. 

Looking back, they used to seem like such a big deal, but compared to now they weren't so bad.  I was at a different point in my life.  I guess it is a plus that I can now function with several issues hanging over head, it just affects you differently.  In my early twenties I would probably just drink and smoke more. Now I take more hot baths, write more, and knit more. Sometimes I yell more and sometimes I cry more, but I always take an experience away with me and use it.

Things hang around all year, that is life, but I have heard so many people say that things seem to hit the fan during the holidays.  I'm sure that it just feels that way because we are all already dealing with the pressures that come with holidays.  This year I refuse to feel pressure from anyone.  Not family, not friends, not even my kids!  I won't bend to pressure from society or myself.  Christmas will be simple and enjoyable and that is all I want out of it.  All my things can hang on my mental tree and be dealt with as their times comes.  You lose a few and another is added. C'est la vie!

So acknowledge your hanging "things" but try not to worry about them over the holidays.  Worry about loving and drinking hot chocolate instead.  Your things will fall from their suspended position when they are good and ready, making room for the next. Stress makes us ugly and tired, so let us all find our most productive ways in dealing with it.

Peace be with you, really.