Big Family Zone - You Might Have a Big Family If...

I was thinking today about how different it was when I had only one child. I was a single mom with one boy. I suppose it was hard doing it alone, but it was also all I knew of parenthood. It was just him and I from the start.

When Louie and I moved in together and started having his son and daughter (my now step children) on a regular schedule, we all of a sudden had three kids! They were 5, 4, and 2 years old. It was new and felt like a lot of work!  The weekend would feel like a whirl wind of little loud voices, tattle telling, laughing, crying, arguing, hugs, scraped knees, bike rides, picky eating, and lots of love.

I was used to one kid. This meant one bath before bedtime, one meal to accommodate only one little person's pickiness. This was one kid to keep track of while out and about. This was the time of one kid to buy tokens for at an arcade. The time of throwing one birthday party a year. Bickering was never an element in our lives, as my son had no one to bicker with. I would soon learn that he is the most argumentative child I would have. A time of worrying about one kid's happiness and health was no more.

I remember the weekend that I had a realization. I was watching the three of them go from room to room, leaving trails of whatever they were getting their hands into. Toys and books were everywhere and without notice, they were off to the next thing! It was too much chaos and too much mess. It was then I realized that it needed management. I never thought of it that way with one child. Things were pretty simplistic, there was no need to make it more complex by adding unnecessary schedules. We had a nap and a bedtime, and he had daycare while I had work. Three little people though, with no management was chaos.

I know this is a crappy quality photo above, but this is the photo that depicts our life perfectly when we were new to three. We were tired, but happy, and had kids climbing all over us, some happy, some rowdy, and some grouchy. That was three.

I remember the very moment I had everyone clean up their mess to get ready to play with clay. I had them sit at the little Wiggles table together. It was time to play with clay. That was all we were doing and we would not be moving forward onto anything else until playing with clay was over and cleaned up. I immediately felt the confidence I needed to be a mother figure to three young kids when just the prior weekend I was the mother to only one. 

We moved on to dinner. After dinner we took turns on getting these three baths done. We read a story before bed, and we tucked our wild ones in. I have to admit, car rides were challenging. We were trying to squeeze three boosters into the backseat of my Chevy Malibu. It was hard to buckle, it provoked whining and arguing. Dad had a great idea to keep the belts buckled and let them slide in and tighten it up once they were in. This saved us, another wise management desicion. We continued to become better "managers" and adapted to our new roles as a step mom and a step dad and the dynamics that came with the territory.

A little over a year later, we found out we were having a baby together. A little girl. This meant four kids! To me, four kids was stepping into "big family" zone. I always felt that 1 or 2 kids was a "small family, and that 3 kids was "medium", but 4 and up? That was treading on territory where it could be possible that all the stockings may not fit on the mantel at Christmas!

That year was huge, I got married, I became a step mother to two children, I spent my pregnancy helping to care for my dad while he lost his battle to cancer, and I had my baby girl. We decided I would not return to work. I stayed home with the kids and we ended up buying our first home in a new town. This is where we decided to have one more baby. Five kids!

We were having a boy! He had two, I had one, then we had two together. His, mine, and ours. There is no doubt at the 5 kid mark that you are in the "big family" zone.

Here are some signs:

Making sandwiches for lunch requires an entire loaf of bread.

A regular size box of cereal will barely make breakfast happen. And neither will a gallon of milk.

No one likes the same veggie. Except corn on the cob, everyone likes that.

A normal size box of cheeze-its, will only last as a snack for one trip to the park, not a snack for the week.

You need a vehicle that has a third row.

When at local festivities, they already know to discuss what flavor smoothies (or other fun beverage) to agree on because we are NOT going to buy five over priced smoothies! It will be one for the boys, one for the girls, and one for the little guy to share with mom and dad.

There is lots of arguing. Like, a lot. It's mostly about the most stupid shit you could imagine. Other times I hear a valid argument and let both sides plead their case. There are 5 personalities that think they are right and often feel they have been wronged, so again, lots of arguing.

No matter how much arguing has occurred in a day, they will band together and stand up for one another like a small, loving Gang, if an outsider intends to do harm.

You don't invite many kids to the birthday parties you throw because your own children are like a small party already.

When everyone needs new shoes, it's a big deal.

No one likes dinner at the same time, ever. Someone, always, will say they don't like it.

Special one on one time can consist of running an errand with momma without your siblings, it does not have to include a stop at an ice cream shop or some special event, the focus truly is the alone time together. You cherish it as much as they do.

Picture day is a little hectic 😳

Laundry. That's all I have to say about that.

Showers are quite the process.

You develop a habit of counting your kids when you are out. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, OK" Then one veers off from the crowd, "1, 2, 3, 4, ...... Dammit! Where's your brother?!?!"

When you are out in public, no one has to use the bathroom at the same time, but at home everyone has to pee, causing an argument of who gets to go first.

People will make comments like "wow, you have your own basketball team", or "I don't know how you do it!", or maybe "you sure do have your hands full".

There are also people who make amazing comments like "good for you! You don't see as many big families anymore!", or "that is beautiful". 

Your house is exploding with love and diverse personalities.

There are so many smiles in a single day.

You never feel guilty about using the carpool lane.

Holidays are filled with extra love and joy, and lots of mugs of hot chocolate. 

Seeing your small, loving gang get along and love one another is a priceless beauty only you can understand.

Now don't get your panties all bunched. I am in no way implying that being parents of one or two kids is a piece of cake, I've been there and most of the above still applies, but I would say at 5 kids, it intensifies a bit and is always a little louder.

😉

I know a few parents who have more than 5 kids. I'm sure you can add some more signs of a big family to my list! 

For someone who doesn't like noise or mess, I sure do enjoy this large family we have created and teamwork it takes to keep it flowing. I wouldn't have it any other way.