Wandering

Today was unexpected. The plan was to take my 3 year old with me to Modesto to have our van looked at after dropping the big kids off at school. Just before daddy left for work, little man asked if he could go to Granny's house on his way. He hopped in dad's truck and off he went. At first I felt a little emotional. My baby wanted to leave me! I planned on hanging out with him. I said goodbye a few times and headed to big kid drop off. 

As I drove away from the school my van was quiet. So quiet in fact, that I could hear my own thoughts. My thoughts started to think about how nice it was going to be to have a day alone with no guilt attached.

I brought a cup of coffee, a good book, and some knitting, assuming I may be sitting at the dealership for a bit. I didn't even turn music on, I just drove and listened to my own thoughts, since I could actually hear them.

I got there a little too early. No big deal! I sat on their cheap black leather couch and jumped into my book. I was perfectly fine with sitting there alone for a few hours if needed. Eventually, we did some paperwork and they were ready to take the van. They asked if I had a ride because it may take a while. 

"No, I drove here from Patterson." 

"No problem, we will give you a car to drive around."

Are you kidding me? I'm being given a car to drive, free time on my hands and no kids? This may sound lame to some, but to a woman who is damn near constantly with anywhere from 1-5 children in tow and in a rush to be somewhere, it felt like I had just won a prize.  I tried my best to conceal my excitement. I'm sure I was glowing.

They gave me the keys to a 2000 Toyota Corolla.  I loved the simplicity of this car. Made me think back to my 2000 Cavalier I had when I was about 22, when I was alone most of the time.  I got in and took a minute to think about what the hell I was going to do with myself. I decided to check out the used book store I had been eyeing for months. I felt clumsy. It was so quiet in there! I wasn't used to going to quiet places because I usually had loud tiny humans with me. Once the friendly lady directed me to my favorite book section, biographies and memoirs,  I began to relax. They even had the book I was looking for! 

After that I just wandered. I wandered to different stores and just took my sweet ass time wandering around those stores. The entire day was relaxing but clumsy. It was relaxing because I was alone and free. It was clumsy because I was in an unfamiliar vehicle and revisiting "alone".

I wasn't a mom in the store, I was just Jenny. In all the excitement, it took a few stores for me to get comfortable with just being Jenny. Every journal I touched at Barnes and Noble knocked over two more journals next to it. Every book at Yesterday's Books that Inpulled out I then struggled to put back in its place. When I shut the car door, the seat belt was in the way. I was extremely indecisive when trying to pick a parking spot at Ross. Through it all though, I remained excited. I knew this free time was gold plated.

I walked through the doors at Ross and there was a friend of mine coming in the other door!  She had her little girl in the cart. We hugged and chatted for a minute. After that it was smooth sailing. It's almost as if seeing her reminded me of the "mom" me, but that my kids just happened to be elsewhere.  Some familiarity in the day. I was comfortably roaming around the store. I tried stuff on, I wandered, (and occasionally talked to myself out loud because that is what I do). It was fabulous. I wasn't pressed for time, my patience was not limited or decreasing. 

I had the freedom to change my mind on what curtains I wanted about three times. There was no little guy pulling things off the shelves. The store felt different. It was as if it wasn't really me at all, or some other version of me. It was kind of like being stoned but with much more clarity and appetite control.

Time to head back to town to pick up my daughter from school. Time for some mommy daughter time. We headed BACK to Modesto in search of a "fancy place", at her request to spend time at until the van was done. We found a wonderful coffee house hidden downtown, completely decked out in beautifully quaint decor. She, of course, chose to sit at the brilliantly ornate couch and coffee table with her juice and chocolate muffin. We chatted, we nosed around the patio and concluded that we would come here again sometime. The van was ready!

Today was one of those special days where you step out of routine just long enough to enjoy yourself and get back to you. I was happy to see my boys when I returned home. I felt rejuvenated and rested, even though tired from the busy day. 

Parents need little breaks. Breaks make you better parents. They make you appreciative and closer to whole. 

So turns out driving around and walking through stores wasn't the best thing for my still healing hip. I do see knitting and writing at that quaint coffee house in the near future though. 

It was a long, beautifully stoned (metaphorically speaking) day, time to snuggle up with this guy.