Eight things I like about Utah so far.

I've been in Utah now for three months. Not long, but long enough to see some things I really like about being here. I thought I'd share some of the perks with you all.

1. You know those phone calls that you dread making? The calls that require you to painfully navigate through those horrible automated systems? The calls that almost guarantee a long wait time? Those calls that you promise yourself you will keep your cool about? The calls that help you find yourself on the phone with the most angry, repressed, resentful human being on the other end of the line? They sound miserable and scripted and they talk to you like you are a fucking idiot. Don't ask a question either, because now you're not just an idiot, you're a fucking moron. They are pissed about their job, pissed about answering your dumb ass questions, pissed about the shitty sandwich they brought for lunch, and probably still pissed about some childhood bullshit they haven't worked passed yet. Every once in a blue moon I would get a lovely person on the line that at least acted like they enjoyed helping me. Actually, it was more like they enjoyed their paycheck every Friday so they showed it in their phone manner. Usually though I got an angry, bored, epitome of rude type of person on the phone.

Since moving to Utah, every dreadful phone call I have had to make has been pleasant AS FUCK! At first it made me question things. Things like life and my own existence. Whey were these phone calls so easy? They were smooth like butter. The happy people on the other end of the line were not only nice, but helpful! They even offered extra information that I didn't even ask for, because I wouldn't know to ask, and they knew that! They had manners. Not the kind of phone manners where you have to be nice or you will get written up, like real manners. They are either super nice people, or they are con artists. Either way, it made my phone call experiences top notch. It restored some faith I had lost in people getting into human services to actually help humans. I had started to think it wasn't a thing anymore.

Why is it not like this in CA? Maybe it is the population factor? Higher population leads to higher call volumes leads to RUDE? Maybe they are mad that everything costs so much in CA and can't leave that bitterness at home, they bring that shit to work? Maybe it was me? Oh God, was it me? Maybe I was bitter and resentful and they fed off of my attitude. I couldn't say, but making phone calls out here is damn near like calling a friend. I can't wait to see what it will be like when I visit the DMV to get my UT license. I'm thinking if the wait gets to be too long they might offer me cucumber water and a lavender oil massage.

2. Coffee shops! So, in my smallish (35,000 pop.) town there is a fabulous, privately owned drive through coffee shop, Janna's Coffee. Great coffee, great people. They also have a kids menu where they have $1 and $2 drinks for the little barista babies. There are two other drive up coffee shops in town that I haven't tried yet but heard great things about, like Brookie-cookie telling me that one makes their own whipped cream. Of course there is also a Starbucks, because where is there not a Starbucks? I prefer to give my coffee money to a small business than a big banger, but sometimes I have to scratch an itch for a chai latte or green tea latte, and they make one of the best. I also recently heard from my beautiful neighbor friend (also a Brooke and something I like about UT) that if your dog is riding along with you, you can ask for a pup cup, a little whipped cream treat for Fido, how cute is that!? Why didn't I know that?

What I haven't tapped into yet is all the awesome looking coffee shops I see when I browse Yelp, in Salt Lake City. Yes! I need to go! First on my list is The Rose Establishment. It looks to be right up my decaffeinated alley, the food...mmm. I was thrilled to see so many shops that seemed to have the whole Portland or Venice Beach vibe. I attended a writer's group that meets at Watch Tower Cafe, also in SLC. This place was great. Comic book themed, specialty drinks, comic book swaps, board games to play and tons of seating. My daughter tried the Hello Kitty, a specialty strawberry soda they whip together and top off with whipped cream and pink sprinkles. They drew a pink kitty on the cup and my girl felt like a million bucks. I had my own intimate moments with the hummus plate. The perfect serving size of hummus that leaves some left over after you've dipped all the veggies and pita. So whatever item is left you, cover every inch in the last of the hummus, you're not going to waste it are you? I would eat it with a spoon if I was certain no one was watching.

My youngest doesn't attend kindergarten until the afternoon so, I'm thinking him and I need to go on a weekly date to check out a new coffee shop each week. He can critique the hot cocoa while I get lost in my love of matcha. Quality time with the boy.

3. Blue Lemon. I'm so happy this establishment is a part of my life now. It's casual dining, but a higher end. It's obviously more expensive than fast food and there's a reason, real food, real nutrition, real good. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, kids, girlfriends, solo meal, whatever. Plenty of proteins and greens. Everything on the menu includes nutrient rich foods. Nothing fried, nothing nuked. Fresh, quality ingredients, and plenty of taste bud-flirting flavors. Mindful eating. I visited the Lehi location for dinner and had the coconut curry chicken breast. If I could type food noises I would. I really liked the portion size too, it was enough to leave you feeling satisfied rather than leave you in that guilt ridden, over indulging zone. I also stole a few bites of the kid's chicken tenders. Delicious. Crispy, juicy, white meat. I am not a soda drinker, but I drink theirs! They carry Stubborn Soda, an all natural, real sugar soda. The cream soda is like a light dessert. They also had a lemon acia berry, I believe, tasty!

At the SLC location, the husband and I had stopped for a little dessert. We had the peanut butter brownie. I usually stay away from dairy and sweets, but I ravaged that little sweetheart like a flesh eating zombie. A little latte on the side and it was the perfect treat.

4. Family and kid friendly. We all know that Utah is full of large families. This makes it a great place to raise kids. I still can't believe how much inexpensive or free activities and events there are for the kids, or the whole family for that matter. I was blown away by Halloween, there was some sort of event or activity every weekend of the month leading up to the day! There are splash pads, beautiful parks with lakes and walking trails, plenty of places to hike and picnic, moto sports access EVERYWHERE, all kinds of events and shows, impressive museums, tons of community events for the kids to take part in, library events, you name it. Tons to do and so much to see. I can't wait to see all the fun in store for Christmas time.

5. I feel like there is a lot more availability when it comes to organic and alternative foods. This is most likely due to where I lived in CA. The central valley has come a long way and is continuing to do its part, but has not quite caught up to the Bay Area or L.A. area when it comes to organic and natural foods. I was delighted to find such a large selection of organic and local produce in our grocery store here in town. Lot's of wheat free alternatives as well. In a thirty mile radius, there are tons of natural food stores. I visited a Natural Grocers in Sugar House (my favorite area of SLC so far). I was walking around there with my boy, feeling like a bride to be in a bridal boutique. I felt at peace. Yes, those are organic candy canes.

6. IKEA isn't far. How did I never make it to an IKEA? It's only about 40 minutes away from me here. OK, that isn't really something to like about UT, but I just finally went and I love it, so I'm happy about it and still have excitement about it after a few weeks, so it made the list. Let's just talk about IKEA for a minute. It's huge and overwhelming, but it's simple and the simplicity is calming. It's like a building of contradiction, I view myself in a similar fashion. It was just great and I can't wait to go back when I have more time to walk around and really take it all in. The kids loved it to, although I plan to ditch them the next time I go. Sorry, momma loves you.

7. I don't want to prematurely say that I love snow. I have literally had one day of it. Technically it snowed at night and they day was covered in already fallen snow. I am a snow virgin. I went to Tahoe as a kid and made snow angels and then about 11 years ago I went with my Janet to take our babies sledding not far from her house. This is the extent of my experience with snow. Oh wait! Also 11 years ago I was driving to OR with my cousin, Lauren. When driving in OR, there were some snow flakes falling, nothing on the ground though. That is IT. So watching it snow the other night and seeing everything magically turn into a winter wonderland was pretty exciting. I'm open to the fact that I may grumble about it after months in a row or having to drive in it, or shovel it, but for now it is magical, it may even stay magical. It feels right. It feels correct that it be cold and there be snow on the ground as the holidays approach. Everyone slows down a little. Kids are in the front yard sliding down the slope of their lawn and parents and throwing snow balls at their kids. It's a nice, freezing little reminder to slow down and enjoy the special time of year. It feels how it should be. At this moment, for now, I like it. A lot.

8. I love how everyone is all about the college teams! Everywhere you look is U of U or BYU. Flags outside of homes, sweatshirts, car decals, slippers, t-shirts, pajama pants, hair bows, coffee mugs. The husband got a free pair of skull candy headphones with Utah University on the side. I love all the pride for the college teams, it creates a sense of unity and encouragment.

Some things that I am struggling with is that fact that the ocean is so far away from me and that they don't paint the word  "STOP" on the ground next to the stop sign. I never knew how much I relied on that white paint! I have almost ran many a stop sign out here! I see the sign, it's red, it's there, but it just doesn't fully register with me. I need those words on the asphalt to scream at me at the same time I notice the red sign. I am feeling like more of a safe driver again now that I'm adjusting, but it was getting scary there for a while. Now in my neighborhood I find myself stopping where there is no stop. The same intersections, every day. Why can't I get it? It's a trust issue. I trusted the asphalt to tell me to stop and it didn't. Now I don't trust the sign to tell me whats up either. If it looks like a possible stop, I find myself "California stopping", just to make sure I don't need to lock up the breaks.
The sign and I will come to terms soon enough, but the ocean will never be closer.

After a while I can write what I miss about CA. I miss people, but I don't actually miss CA yet, it hasn't been long enough. I'm still in the honeymoon stage of a new place and loving change. I started to freak out a few weeks ago, realizing there weren't many trees around me. What had I done? How could I have put myself somewhere with no trees? They are a vital part of my everything! That's when I ventured out of my town and found a lovely area full of trees, natural grocery stores, and lots of brick buildings. I felt back in touch with myself.

Stay tuned for more random writings and recipes.

All the love,

Caffeine and Freckles

We made the move! CA to UT

Well, we did it. We made the move. We lifted our born and raised roots from California and planted them in Utah soil.

This is more like a journal entry, so if you want to hear me ramble on about my experience so far, keep reading. :)

I have to say I would have never in a million years thought I would end up in Utah. I worried a little that I was a pinch too liberal for Utah. What if I found myself drowning in heavy duty conservative sauce? (I love everyone, I am just not always so conservative when it comes to my beliefs) Was there going to be creative outlets for me that are a little "different"? Was it going to be culturally diverse enough? This is important to me. I grew up surrounded by diversity, it gifted me tolerance and openness, along with a thirst and appreciation for learning about other cultures and I want the same gift for my children.

Our first week here in our new home was giddy. I love the house, I love the yard, and I love the neighborhood. There is usually something romantic (in an organizational way, if you're into that) about unpacking a house. You either love it or hate it. I found joy in it. A week of deciding what would go where, what I no longer had room for, what I could use differently, and so on. There is still some excitement left in that area as I still need to buy a desk and a few dressers. I had welcoming family members and a dear friend, (we will call her Cookie) nearby. I was full of energy and smiles.

The second week morphed into something completely different. It started off exciting, Beeb started at her new elementary school and Bub started at his new Junior High School. They both had a great first week and made friends and I still had a week of little man Booski home with me before he started kindergarten. I was so happy for them that they were adjusting so well and jumping right in, so what was my problem? I felt lethargic. When I say lethargic, I mean I felt like I absolutely HAD to lie down every day. It was as if my legs were dragging behind me. If I didn't have the change in altitude to blame, I would have thought there was something seriously wrong with me. This lasted for almost two weeks! I felt exhausted, I felt down and depressed, and I felt lonely. It's not that I wanted to be around anyone either, I wanted to be alone because I felt lonely and shitty. I know and trust my feelings enough to know it was just my way of adjusting to a big change. It was confusing at first, why would I feel like shit when the change was my choice and I felt so positive about it? I had to remind myself that change is change. Good or bad, change can be rough. It can be ugly. A butterfly goes through a mess of shit before changing into such a beautiful creature.

Another dear friend, my "bosom buddy", reminded me that I can look at this change as a brand new start. I could do anything. I could be excited about it! She was right, I have an opportunity right now to do what I want with my time, to an extent. I have a few hours to myself during the day (2 hours and 45 minutes to be exact) while little Booski is in school, my classes haven't started up yet, so besides the regular busy-ness of day to day errand running, cleaning, yelling at dogs, cooking and all that fine stuff, I could start new and do new things with my time. I miss my breakfast with the bosom buddy, I miss coffee dates and walks, I have to start over and do things for me, with me. I also knew I needed to get active to help this lethargic state. I want to get in shape and lose weight and I want to have my energy back and there is no excuse not to.

First things first is trying new things. Here I was worried that I wouldn't find my kind of "things" out here. I live only 30 minutes from Salt Lake City, there is everything! There is diversity, there is natural food stores, there are meditation groups, kundalini yoga classes, there are groups that meditate and eat vegetarian dinners in the park, there are kick ass coffee shops, and brilliant restaurants. I want to try it all! These are some of the things that I wanted in California, but being in the central valley, some of these things and ideas were a distance away making it difficult to be a part of it. All of this goodness right at my fingertips!

Here's what I did first. I signed up at the gym. I'm not really a gym-girl. It easily feels intimidating, or testosterone-y. Plus my hip is still partially fractured so I'm not always sure what my limits are. The gym in town though, has a few things I thougtht I could really benefit from. First, daycare. I can leave Booski to play while I do something for myself. Second, classes. They have a ton of classes. I have craving a new sense of community, especially in the health area. So far I've done the yoga class, Pilate's, step, and I plan on trying kickboxing and zumba. It turns out the step class was advanced. When I left there, I felt like I had just done crossfit. Crazy intense, not what I expected. I plan on going every Friday and letting it kick my ass. Third, a sauna. Come on, a sauna. Tons of beautiful moist heat wrapped around your tired muscles. Love. Love. Love. There is a pool and a hot tub, and a steam room too but I mostly dig the sauna. Anyway, I'm becoming an exercise class junky and it has fixed my lethargic ways this last week. Now when I'm tired it is because I worked out, not because I'm depressed and in a higher elevation. It lifts my mood, my energy, and my motivation. Utah's slogan is "Utah, life elevated." It certainly is elevated, the inside of my nose is dry and bloody and I have to use my inhaler more often, but I will take that slogan and run with it on a more personal level, as if the inside of my nose wasn't personal enough for you.

Next I signed up for a meditation class in SLC. I have been meditating at home for a few years but I have always wanted to try a group meditation. This was a particular type, Sahaja Meditation. Anything to help awake the kundalini sounds worth a try to me. I invited Cookie to come along and check it out. It was more instructional than I had hoped for, was looking for more meditation than instruction but I did learn a lot more about the chakras and the history of Sahaja and how it relates to yoga and unity. The group setting is definitely a great addition to my practice. I already found some other meditation classes Cookie, so get ready!

I've set aside time for my kundalini yoga practice at home, my sacred cup of coffee with a side of mountain views, a gym class a few days a week, and quality time with Booski before he goes to afternoon kindergarten. By the end of week three I was feeling more balanced. I've been back to making freezer meals to make life easier. There is something about looking in the garage freezer and seeing meals ready to thaw and cook that makes me fill up with joy. It makes me feel like I have my shit together or something, I'm prepared, I'm ready, and I don't really have to cook.

The more I browsed around on Meetup, the more I could see that while being a conservative state (there are plenty of conservative things about me, just not as a whole) there are a multitude of groups and activities to get involved in. I felt less alone already.

Let's talk about the white people.

Were my children going to be constantly surrounded by white people and forget about how beautiful it is that the world is full of different poeple and history and cultures? It started to weigh on me much heavier than I thought it would. At the end of my second week here, as I was leaving Costco in Salt Lake City, I heard a woman speaking to her children in Spanish. My eyes immediatly filled with tears. It felt like the woman was hugging me. One of those deep, cleansing hugs that only some poeple know how to give. I felt like I was at home, hearing a Mexian woman speak to her children in Spanish. It may sound silly but it meant the world to me. I talked to my best friend since 7th grade (we will call her "my Janet") on my drive home. She reassured me that it was normal, that she went through similar feelings when she moved from our hometown to an area that was pridominently white. 

During week three I got out a lot more. Trips to Salt Lake City and errands in town showed me that there was more diversity than I had first thought. It made me feel more at peace with the whole thing. It makes me realize just how diverse and differnt California can be. A piece of my heart will always be there in CA, but I am embracing Utah with open arms and as of week 4, with more normal energy levels and motivation.

So here we are at one month after moving in. After a roller coaster of feelings I feel the balancing taking place. I feel like I am exploring and settling in. I feel happy about everything there is to offer here. All of the outdoor fun, the classes, the education, the family and sense of community. It's all here.

I have to say that our family here is amazingly supportive and loving. They regularly show that they want to help and support us, they want to spend time and make memories with us, and that they love us and our children. It's absolutly heart warming. It makes a big change that much easier.

What ever change you are going through, remember to be paitent with it. It could be big lifestyle changes, moving, a new job, starting school or even small changes. Small changes can affect you more than you think. Grief stricken changes like death are probably the most challenging, but you will get through it. You will not be the same afterwards, but you will get through it and figure out the new you. Allow yourself to feel like shit, really. As long as you are aware of what is going on with you, you will be able to move past it and take something with you. Just about everything can involve self discovery. Through the good and the bad, keep doing you.

Ten things I will miss about Patterson

As most of you know, my family and I are moving out of state in the next few weeks. I've been thinking lately about the things I will miss about Patterson, the small-ish community in California that I live in. Most of these thoughts have randomly came to mind while I am doing things, running errands, etc.

Once I'm settled and acclimated in Utah, I'll blog what I miss about California. 😉

We have lived in Patterson for over 7 years now, we have added a child to our family, been through a few pets, made life long friends, disconnected from friends, I lost myself, found myself, volunteered, entertained, became a part of a wonderful group of exceptional women whom it's hard to imagine not having around at arm's reach, started new practices, and learned the true meaning of self love (later post).

Our time here has left a deep mark on the timeline of our life.

Besides the obvious, like missing friends, family, and memories, here are a few random things I have thoughtfully realized I will miss, in no particular order.

1. The produce guy at Save Mart. The first guy was great and made Donald Duck noises at the kids, he transferred and I thought Save Mart would never be the same. The current produce dude though, he's just great. He's nice, he's friendly, he's attractive in an unfamiliar way, he's down to earth, and he makes you feel like his job, and my consumerism is all tied into the workings of "community". The pharmacy guy is hella cool too, but the produce guy just makes you feel good about small talk at the market (let's use that word more, shall we? Market, it just sounds so quaint). Plus he saved all those boxes for me, so he's a badass in my book.

2. I will miss Domasco's, the restaurant inside the hotel. I've had countless breakfasts with my bosom buddy, random meals there with other friends, and a delicious, tipsy dinner with three of my closest girls during our "50 Shades of Food" days. The food is fresh and full of quality. The coffee is actually good, they have a decent selection of tea, and you feel like you have stepped out of Patterson and are in some hole in the wall in the city. Oh, and there sausage is THE best. It's a perfectly brown, crumbly little patty. They also have amazing pancakes. The most recent waitress really was the cherry on top. She made you feel like an old friend and said the funniest shit! She's great.

3. Running into Amber Silva and Mona Chapparo at Walmart. It's just nice, you know? You run to Walmart because there is almost always a reason to and you know people who work there so there is almost always a friendly face and some chit chat, maybe a hug too. It's comforting.

4. Frank Raines Park. If you head west of the 5 and take the first right, you can take a scenic drive (absolutly beautiful) through the winding hills. I believe it is about 17 miles to the OHV park, camping area, super cool playground, and Adobe Springs ( this will be #5!). All it takes is 45 minutes to an hour and you can get away in nature. You can spend the day, the weekend, the week, and enjoy the beautiful views on the way there. Despite the beauty, I have to be honest, I get pretty nervous on the drive, but that's me and my nerves.

5. Adobe Springs! This is a complete gem! If you take the drive to Frank Raines just a tad further you will come to Adobe Springs. You can fill up containers of spring water at no cost. It's often referred to as "magic water". It's full of magnesium and comes straight from the spring. It has 110 mg of magnesium per liter, where tap water has an average (in the US) of 3 mg per liter. Now that's magic! You feel like you are on some special adventure, driving up the hill to a little spicket for your magic water. Like a secret garden of sorts. Here is a LINK to a Youtube video I found about the spring. The guy is actually coming from San Jose, so your drive from Patterson woudln't be as long. I'd say about an hour with all the twists and turns. He is full of information. It's also a lot of fun for the kids.

6. Stewart and Jaspers. How convenient is it to have a little wine tasting bar right in town? I've had several evenings there meeting up with the crew for a wine flight. Once we rode our bikes there. We weren't quite able to ride them back home, but how cute is it to ride your bike to go wine tasting? You can sit and snack on different flavored almonds while you sip different types of wine. It's a small wine and gift shop with a wine bar and a few tables. Small, quiet (until you get towards the end of your flight), quaint, and only a bike ride away.

7. Rickey's Taqueria. It's not the best Mexian food ever, but it's good. The atmosphere is family friendly and kids eat free on Wednesday so yup, I'm going to miss that. Rickey himself is usually there and he's a super friendly guy. Also the horchata is delicious, better than the taco truck by far.

8. The three week winter school break. I sometimes have mixed feelings about this one. There I times I feel that two weeks would be sufficient and that last week may throw me over the edge, but it's become a treat to have the kids out of school for three weeks over the holidays. It gives us more freedom to visit family and friends and even to stick around home longer and just come down from the holiday madness.

9. Palm trees. The long lines of palm trees on some of Patteron's streets. They are strong and well kept, and I didn't notice many palms in Utah. It's so "California".

10. Last but not least, the orchards. I will miss driving through the lush almond and apricot orchards in thier uniform rows and watching them go through all of their stages. I always feel a little sad when I see them at the end of thier season, chopped own and laying on their side, like an orchard graveyard. 

Discussion...Do you force your children to give hugs?

This topic has come up quite a bit lately for my family due to the fact that we are moving out of state soon. Due to the upcoming move, we have had and still have many visits planned with loved ones to get some quality time in before we move. There have been several times lately with a few different family members and friends, where they want a hug goodbye or hello and one of my kids do not want to give one (usually one of my boys). This has come up more than just recently and I had actually decided a few years back that I would not force my kids to hug when they didn't feel good about it. Then more recently I felt like maybe I should, maybe they wouldn't see this person for some time, and the person really wanted a hug, but why I am putting the other persons needs first and ignoring my child's discomfort? That must be the people pleaser in me that tries to creep back in sometimes and I do not want to raise people pleasers. I know all too well the internal suffer that goes along with being one.

I am a hugger. I'm not sure that I have always been, but I have become one in my adult years. I hug my family and friends upon greeting and leaving, for the most part. I've learned over the years that not everyone else is a hugger and hugs may even make others feel uncomfortable. If I can sense it ahead of time, I may hold back my hug. I'm not changing who I am, but  I don't care to give a hug that isn't welcomed, that defeats the purpose of the hug all together! I remember being extremely uncomfortable at times during childhood when I was forced or felt obligated to hug, whether it be a friend or family members.

I know that many family's, especially in past generations, feel that it is disrespectful for a child not to hug, especially a family member. I don't feel there is a right or wrong answer. I think this is one of those topics that whatever way works best for an individual family is the way to go. I will never feel disrespected or even put out if someone else's child doesn't want to hug me. They may be extremely shy (which I was as a child) and hugging may be overwhelmingly uncomfortable. Maybe they have a thing about their personal space. We are all different and I only enjoy two-way hugs.

My oldest especially, (and sometimes my youngest) has never been big on hugs, unless they are with me or his dad. He is actually extremely affectionate, but mainly with his parents. He doesn't always refuse hugs from others but it has never surprised me when he has, as he has always been that way. I wasn't sure how to respond to it when he was little. I felt pressure to force him to do it, people seemed offended if he rejected their hug. I've came to the conclusion (which may differ from other parents of course) that I am not going to force him, or my other kids to give hugs. My children are loving and affectionate when it is genuine and that means something. I had to ask myself, if they feel uncomfortable giving a hug at times, what would be the purpose of forcing them to do it? Basically it would be to fulfill the hug-recipient's needs. Like I said, I don't want to raise people-pleasers. He isn't rude about it, just looks at me in that "I really don't want to" kind of way, I may push a little and if he still seems uncomfortable, I let it go. I did force him to hug his auntie the other day, she seemed to really want the hug and mentioned how she may not see him for a long time. He eventually gave a pathetic excuse for a hug, and that showed me it is not worth it, in my opinion, to force him. I am thinking not much comes from receiving a hug like that, it wasn't meaningful or full of love, it was literally forced. A hug should be a two-way display of affection.

I don't want kids being made to feel like a lack of wanting to hug symbolizes lack of love. I definitely don't want to give them the idea that they only way to show love is through physical affection either. They love all their family and all of our close friends, they may just not love hugging. Now, my oldest will show affection through "tazering" (digging his fingers into your side) all day, but that isn't typically a two-way show of affection either LOL!

I make sure my kids say hello to people and that they say goodbye, acknowledging that someone is leaving. I think that is basic manners they need to have. Other than that, they need to find their way on the path of being a hugger or not.

Having this come up so much lately I was curious to hear from other parents about how they feel about forcing or not forcing hugs between their children and others.

Dear Little Sister

Little sister,

When you couldn't reach dishes from the cabinet, I would grab them for you. 

When you couldn't pronounce the words right, I would speak them for you. 

When you weren't sure what to wear, I would put it together for you.

When you were in trouble, I handled it for you.

When you were hungry, I cooked for you.

When you were offended, I raised Hell for you.

When you needed a ride, I drove you.

When there was a spider, you killed it. You know how I feel about spiders, there is no way I could help you there.

Tonight I sit with my stomach in knots for you. I sit and worry for you. I sit and think positive for you and conjure up peace for you.

Tomorrow is a big day for you. It's a scary day but, a hopeful and exciting day. I feel like I should be camped out at the hospital for a week in case you need something. I wish I could shoo this thing away. I wish I could call it's mother and tell it off for you. I wish I could ease all your worry and all of your pain. I wish I could drive you away from it and keep you safe from it. I wish I could bring dad to you.

You are strong and brave and been down a long road already. Keep going strong. Finish strong and show it who's boss. I'll see you in a few days.

I love you, Little Sister. I'm in your corner, cheering you on, where I always have been.

Love, 

your Big Sister.

 

Simple is Best - Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas, Caffeine and Freckles readers!

This has been the most simplistic Christmas, ever. I am in love with it.  

I dreaded the holiday as it approached. It brought me down a few times. Way down.

Christmas is a love-hate relationship for me. My husband says I've been like this since my father passed away. He may have a point, but I'm too stubborn to say so. There is so much love going around this time of year that it's hard not to fall into the sadness pit about all the love you miss. The hugs you won't get from the loved ones that aren't here, the smiles you won't see. You gotta feel your sad though to appreciate the happy. 

I hate the rush and the pressure. I hate all the consumerism. I hate the worry. I hate the push to be busy when all I want to do is be free but, this year I have had such a clear view of what I love. 

I love the time with family and friends. I love the expression of appreciation. I love the beautiful lights. I love pulling out the ornaments and the flood of memories and nostalgia that come with them. I love thoughtful gifts and special treats. I love the Christmas tree. I love watching my children's eyes light up at all the magical parts of this time of year. Oh, and I love gingerbread lattes too.

It was last minute mind you  but, usually when I am dreading the build up of something, I end up embracing it fully when it finally shows up. The magic of the Christmas season is all around us.

I always worry about the shopping. This year though, Amazon was a dazzling armored knight.  I ordered most of the gifts, free two day shipping from Amazon. No lines, no driving, I didn't even have to get dressed.

Last night was Christmas Eve, we have spent it with my mom's side of the family every year since I was a little girl. A simple dinner, one gift for each person (we're a small group), a Bloody Mary, and a good time. The cousins played and adults chattered. It was warm and relaxing and we were home before it got too late.

Tomorrow will be my husband's side of the family. A nice dinner, gift exchange, and spending time together. Three days of Christmas. We see everyone with no rush. We don't have to drive far and we still have a full day at home. I'm looking forward to Granny's baked chicken and seeing Auntie Lacy tomorrow.

This Christmas has a few firsts for us. This is the first Christmas we have stayed home all day AND not hosted.

This has to be the best year so far. The kids got up at their own pace. We saw what Santa brought and exchanged gifts. The kids got to play with their new stuff while I made coffee in my robe.  The man took off to pick up the older kids and when they got back it was time for Christmas breakfast. This year was french toast.  

There was no rush, no pressure, no worry. We did our tradition of Christmas letters that they each read aloud to brag about everything we are proud of them for and we gobbled up french toast and juice. Dominique LOVES the letters.

I have beans in the crock pot for our Christmas dinner, tostadas, beans, and rice, plus a whole organic chicken slow cooking away, at my daughter's request. I cleaned up the breakfast mess and randomly took a hot bath. No rush, no pressure. 

I've been slowly sipping on a bottle of vino since noon. I mean I'm using a wine glass and all, but it's slow sippin' and buzz surfing.  My dear friend, Kinisha calls it "The Slow Grind".  Slowly grind on that wine all day. It's a slow, natural feeling buzz. :-) It's a winner. Merry Christmas, Kisha!

The man is checking out his new headset for his game, the kids are riding new bikes, and playing with new toys, the dog is napping, and I'm doing my favorite thing....whatever I want! 

No rush, no pressure, no travel, no worry. I love the music, the wine, the kids, the freedom.I love these new leggings I'm wearing that I found at Old Navy for half off. It's a perfect day.  It feels good to be home. I feel truly relaxed and the chicken smells amazing. It feels like therapy.

Keep the focus on what really matters. Love, shelter, dreams, and ambition.

Happy holidays and Merry whatever you celebrate or don't celebrate to all of you. Soak in the love and carry it into the new year.

-Caffeine and Freckles

 

First Time Mom vs Mom of Many - Self Love

I have been thinking lately about how my thoughts and reactions about motherhood differ so greatly from when I was a first time mom.  Some things I see as positives.  I quit worrying about germs, I learned to loosen up (routine is necessary, but kids need to be able to adapt to change without falling apart) I conquered my fear of dirt and mess, and I realized my kids' had their very own intriguing personalities that didn't need to mirror the majority to be OK.

There is however a few things that I have gotten lazy with after having multiple children.  I'm fine with it, they will survive and so will I. All the laziness does point to something positive, self love. I love myself more than when I started. It makes these things that I thought mattered so much, not matter much at all.

Bedtime:  When I was a mother to one, we had a sweet little bedtime routine.  It went something like, bath time, pajamas and a bed time story, an exchange of loving words, and lights out.  Same time every night.  It was just my son and I.  I had all of my attention to give and the rest of the evening for whatever it is I wanted to do with my time.

These days, depending on what day it is, we (husband and I) have either 3 or 5 children.  Bedtime usually goes a little something like this: "Bed time guys."  We exchange hugs, say our promise of "We'll tuck you in when we come up" (this may or may not happen depending on if they are sleeping or not, or if we are just too exhausted by then to follow through) and off they go upstairs to their rooms.  For about the next 45 minutes various children come halfway down the stairs to make up some bullshit story about how they didn't eat enough, or they are SO thirsty they might die, or another child is throwing things at them, or maybe that the youngest has smuggled a granola bar into bed so can't they just have one too?  Then it may be scary up there, or too hot or too cold. One gets a headache, the other won't stop talking, and the youngest becomes a terrorist if both the older boys are in the room with him to establish his alpha position as the youngest. He usually has to be moved to our bed.  At that point he comes down more than once to tell us that it is scary to be alone and he is giving us two minutes to come up. We ignore his threats and remind him that we will tuck him in when we come up.

I know, the sweet little bedtime routine sounds so much less annoying and ultimately makes bedtime easier, but we are tired.  They are old enough to slip into bed on their own. Although bedtime seems to get a little stressful, we find joy in not having to go upstairs.  That's just how it is now. A routine for 3-5 children? No thank you. I can hardly stay up later than the kids as it is, let me just sit on the couch for a few more minutes.

Kids in the Bed:  I use to worry that I needed to kick them out of my bed by a certain age.  The first one we kicked out at age 2, the second one at age 3, and the baby is 4 and a half and primarily sleeps with us.

I just don't give a shit with the younger one.  We have tried several times to get him out of our bed and into his own.  I know exactly how to do it. It works for a while, but we usually cave at some point because we actually miss cuddling with him. He doesn't get in my way so I don't care. He's only little for a little while. To the older ones, sorry, you had your time, if I can't stretch my legs at night I won't be very nice in the morning and no one wants that.

Buying Toys: When I had one child, I bought him new toys.  I would see cool stuff at Target and think about how much he would just love to have it. I would buy him new toys whenever I wanted. His grandparents bought him new toys whenever they wanted. His Auntie would buy him new toys whenever she wanted. The kid had some cool shit!

I can't remember the last time I bought a new toy that wasn't a gift for some sort of holiday or birthday. I think it happened once or twice in the last 5 years.  Guess what? My kids are happy.  They have stuff to call their own.  Honestly, I don't want all that crap in the house.  I cannot begin to explain the many types of toy organization I have tried over the years.  It works beautifully when I am the one organizing it, but once they get their hands on the system, it is over.  One perfectly intentional toy bin will end up holding a few toys, some dirty clothes, a few clean clothes, a tooth brush, a half eaten granola bar, something from another room, a pair of my underwear, and who knows what else.  I end up feeling resentful of my time and effort put into the organization only to have it literally trashed. My plan for the near future is to build each boy a shelf for the their room. Whatever they want to keep has to fit on the shelf. The little guy can keep his basket in the hall closet, he actually still plays with toys, but for the most part he does whatever the big kids do so he doesn't need much.

Language: I know that many of you will not agree with me here, and that is fine.  This is just my personal take on the subject.  It's not that I didn't used to watch my language, but I had never dropped an F-bomb in front of my kid, and assumed I never would.

As we roll five kids deep, things have changed. I curb my language where I see fit, but I speak in whatever way I need to express myself. They understand that they are not allowed to use these particular words.  They youngest tried on the word "BS" for a time when he was younger, but we moved past it. If I need to drop an F-bomb, I allow myself to do so. I am an adult, which gives me certain privileges that they don't have yet. Kind of like drinking wine.  I drink wine and they know that they cannot. It is simple, and they get it.  My children may hear me swear, but they do not see me do anything that would make me look like a shitty person and that is what matters to me. They see me feel real feelings, they see me love them, they see me grow as a mother and an individual, they see me love their Dad, and they see me be the best version of myself I can be.

Being my World:  This is a tricky one.  I think that somewhere in the middle of the beginning of motherhood and my current resting place, I was stuck.  I was stuck where I needed to be, however, to grow and enter a knew corridor of motherhood.

There was a time when practically everything I did was for or about my children.  They were my world.  I think we say that quite a bit, and we mean it, but when you really break that down it isn't always the most healthy way of thinking. We all love our babies, we all want to raise them the best we can.  We all want our kids to have a beautiful childhood and a special relationship with us. I know that as a stay-at-home-mom you feel like every waking moment you are on duty, which you pretty much are. On the other hand, as a working parent, you are meeting the demands of  your job all day to come home and meet the demands of your children's needs.  There is no part time parent, you are a parent all day either way. Parenthood is a huge responsibility and we all want to get it right.

There came a time though that I quit worrying about getting it right.  I did what I felt was right for each child.  I quit wondering if I should be doing what some other people were doing. Should I be giving more of my time to the school? Should I feel obligated to volunteer on the PTO just because I am home? Should I be making more one on one time with each child just because I am gone at work all day?

I also thought about how great it would be for them to look back on their childhood and be able to have memories of me as a person, not just as their mother. Things I liked to do for me, things that made me happy, things that I couldn't stand, things they loved about me and things that bugged them.  I want my kids to see that I am important to myself.  If you don't take care of you, you really can't give as much as you think you are giving to them.  You become tired.  We are all tired because this gig is a lot of work but I'm talking about tired from the inside.  You're tired because you have made your life so full of them that you leave no life for you.  It is not selfish or something to feel guilty about, it is necessary to show your kids how to take care of themselves as adults.  You need to love yourself and put yourself first. Self love is the foundation for joy.  THAT is something I want for my children. 

Of course I still handle the needs of my children.  I'm just saying it's little things. I don't feel obligated to go to the park because they want to if I really just feel like I need an afternoon coffee and some time to write.  Or maybe I need a down day with tea, knitting, and a good movie.  I spend less time now entertaining them and more time letting them entertain themselves so that I can take care of me.  I am not taking from them, I am giving to them by giving to myself. Childhood is magical without magical efforts from parents. It is magical because you are a child, full of imagination, hopes, and dreams.

They say that professors are referring to the current college generation as the "tea cups" due to how fragile they are.  Parenting has turned into clearing all paths for our kids so that nothing is in their way, nothing will upset them, and accomplishments will be easier to obtain.  They get out into the real world and can't handle hurdles, curve balls, or disappointment. Stress is foreign and too much to handle.  Hurt is too much to bare and self love is not a focus.  Why focus on self love when mom and dad love you more than they love themselves?  I want to feel confident that when my kids are grown, they can push through hard times and problems, coming out stronger and wiser on the other end. I don't need my children to be the best at anything, I need them to love themselves and figure out what makes them happy because my worst fear is for them to grow up and feel that they need other people or things to be happy.

I love my kids to tiny pieces.  They are the majority of my world and I can't imagine it without them.  I do though, appreciate this stage of motherhood where I am focused on self love as my way of giving to them and myself. It is a dark, lonely place to lose yourself.  Your world is spinning around your children, so much so that you don't slow down to see you and your needs, you're simply hanging on for dear life. Our kids deserve better than that and so do we.  It doesn't make you a better parent because you throw every waking moment you have into your children, it simply reflects a diluted sense of time management.

So go love yourself, get back to who you are and what you need and your children will flourish.

I will be over here, enduring a stressful bedtime. Only because I love myself, enough to take those extra 20 minutes or so for myself on the couch. ;-)  They will survive, and so will I. 
<3

 

RSVP - The Lost Ettiquette

What has happened to invitational activity etiquette?  Is that a real term or did I just make up something pretty cool?

I'm hoping it is not lost forever, although I have an overcast feeling about it.  Etiquette used to be important, as in downright embarrassing if you didn't follow it.  Now, I believe in things evolving and changing with the times, but some etiquette is made up of a common decency.

The one that leaves the worst taste in my mouth is the fading RSVP.  Do we remember what RSVP stands for?  It stand for the French words: "Respondez s'il vous plait", which mean "Please Respond".  It's pretty straight forward.  Someone is planning an event, big or small and needs to know who will be showing up so that they may plan accordingly.  Our changing ways of planning events have even made it easier for people to RSVP.  There was a huge wave of e-vites sent via email.  All you had to do was mouse click a yes, a no, or a maybe. Done.  A lot of us now use a Facebook Event.  You click accept, decline, or maybe.  You can even leave a comment if you wish to do so.

A few months back I hosted a party using a Facebook Event as means of invitations.  I was amazed at how many people simply didn't respond at all.  I feel strongly that it is not necessary for someone to explain why they are not attending an event, it is no business of anyone else's.  Maybe they are busy, maybe they just aren't in the mood, fine by me, but one click and I would at least know not to expect you.  I would know not to include you in the headcount and planning of food, drinks, and seating. I could plan accordingly.

I used to think it was just a pinch of laziness.  I was wrong.  It's rude.  It is simply rude. It literally only takes seconds to briefly think about someone else and how your lack of communication will effect them. This is not a passive-aggressive attempt at calling someone out, this is my personal rant about tiny pieces of selfishness (seen in many people) that add up to disappointment.

For one of my kids I recently decided to go the route of real invitations. She only wanted to invite a few girls from her class. I don't know the parents, so they were passed out at school before the end of the school year.  This was about three weeks before said event.  Plenty of time to RSVP.  I wrote right on the invitation to RSVP by call or text, making it even easier to do so  I thought so anyway).  It doesn't take long to text whether your child will attend or not.  Here we are, the day of the event and I have heard not a thing from not a person.  I have no way to contact them (which I shouldn't have to do anyway) and my child is planning on having friends over today for pizza and crafts.  How much pizza do I buy? How many girls will be here? I don't have a clue!

When I do not get a response, I assume that is a no.  I will not bust my ass in preparing for a party and have my daughter sit and wait to have no one show up with no warning.  So today, a sign will go up on the door that the party is cancelled.  What if someone does show up?  Well, my note on the door will be more notice than they gave me about their attendance to the party.  We are going to have a fun mother-daughter day instead.  Fortunately, she is super excited at the idea of a day together.

I am more than understanding to the fact that sometimes things slip through the cracks. We all have busy lives. Today I was supposed to somehow fit in a football meeting, a baseball game, a birthday party, a doctor's appoint and housework.  The party was planned ahead of time and everything else fell in afterwards.  I can't make it to some of these things, so I made a phone call or sent an email.  I responded! I thought about the person on the other end for just a moment.

So please, let's keep some etiquette alive! Just a click, or a text, or a quick call, no need to explain yourself.  A simple count me in or count me out is all it takes.  If you responded yes, and you aren't going to make it after all, let someone know!

OK. End rant.

Reaction Matters

A couple of weeks back I was in the kitchen doing whatever it is I do to help the kids get ready for school. I'm guessing I was making eggs while trying to wipe down counters at the same time. 

This particular morning I was giving my oldest son a gentle, friendly talk about how he needs to be more positive. To talk positive, think positive, and only speak of positive. That this small effort would make his day a better one by automatically adjusting his attitude. I made it sound so simple. I went on and on about how what really matters is how we react to things, not really the "things" that happen. I told him I didn't want that bad juju in the start of my day and I didn't want it for him either. He asked me (with a bit of irritable sarcasm), "So, you're saying if I don't act more positive then bad things will happen?"

"No", I said. "You will be setting yourself up for a bad day is all."

Not two minutes later, I leaned way over the counter to wipe the other side. When I returned to a vertical stance my daughter said, "Oh mom! What happened to your brand new shirt?!"

Bleach! Bleach happened! Somehow I seem to get bleach on my shirts on a consistent basis. I wasn't even using bleach!

My natural reaction was attempting to push its way through the door. I wanted to curse and maybe throw the sponge across the kitchen into the sink. 

As I look down at the bleach stain though, I noticed that it was looking back at me. There it was like on Forrest Gump, a perfect upside down smiley face made of bleach on my new shirt.

The picture doesn't do it justice. It really looks like a happy ass smiling face. 

I stood there, looking at it. I swear I could hear it saying, "Now now, let's show your boy all about that positive attitude you were lecturing about. Be sure you prove to him how your reaction is what matters the most".

I was so torn for the moment. I just bought this shirt! I wasn't even using any bleach! I swallowed hard and I had to laugh a little. Not a joyous laugh, but that "You got me you smiley face son of a bitch" type of laugh. All three kids were watching me closely, waiting for me to react. This was definitely a test. I could feel the scale swaying back and forth. Both the stay positive side and the throw a fit side were so heavy.

"You see!", I exclaimed. "This is just what I was talking about. Normally I would get so upset about this kind of thing but instead I'm gonna take that smiley face as a sign that I should just smile about it."

The kids all smiled and we all genuinely felt that it was a thing. A smiley thing for our morning. My son lightened up and I kept my cool.

I did replace the shirt, but I couldn't get rid of the bleached one. It didn't seem right (yet) to toss out a symbol of mindfulness. 

Today, weeks later, I decided to wear that bleached shirt. I was in a piss poor mood and I thought the shirt would help remind me of the lesson we learned that day. It reminded me, but it didn't change my mood. I will give myself credit for wearing a bleached shirt to aide in my mindfulness, but I will also be mindful that sometimes you are just in a shit mood. If you can recognize that, it's the first step towards moving forward. Everything has to run its course, right?

Just Hanging There

There seems to be a trend in my life lately.  There are all these "things" just hanging there.  None of them can come down until the time is right and they can't all come down at the same time.  You just have to keep on working around them and under them, waiting for them to either fall on you, or for when the opportunity arises to take them down yourself.  It's nerve wracking!

It reminds me of a Christmas tree in a way.  I love a pretty Christmas tree and all, but there is a side to it that kind of hangs there.  You can't keep it forever.  In my mind it has to come down by New Year's day.  There are all those pretty ornaments, just hanging there.  Some will stay up until it is time to come down.  Some of them will fall and break.  There are some you enjoy seeing so much that you won't want to pull them down. The puppy has gotten a hold of a few. I was either able to save them or they were destroyed, but they were all at some point just hanging there, waiting for their fate. At least you can pack that fucker up though and bring in a new year without Christmas decor.

When I have a decision to make, I let it sit for a bit while I think it through.  It's different from hanging though.  I set it aside.  I did, because it was in my control on when and how to deal with it.  I deal with it and it is done.  It's easy to feel overwhelmed with all these hanging issues to be addressed when it is in someone else's hands.  Will it happen in time?  Will it really happen?  Will the decision be best for all involved?  Will they forget and leave the issue hanging in the fog forever? Will it be handled but not perfectly, leaving mistakes to linger above your head?

It is court, it is litigation, it is research, it is future plans, it is the unknown and it is draining.  It is school, and work, and family, and friends.  It is custody and ex's and bullshit and economy. It feels like everything.  They are all not negative either, there is good shit up there hanging around too!

It feels good to finish up with some, piece by piece, but there are always some left hanging. I swear when I was younger there didn't seem to be so many hanging issues.  It felt more like things came up and they were hard and I got through them.  I get through them now, they just seem so much more important, which make them more stressful.  There is more to lose, more involved, more to worry about. 

Looking back, they used to seem like such a big deal, but compared to now they weren't so bad.  I was at a different point in my life.  I guess it is a plus that I can now function with several issues hanging over head, it just affects you differently.  In my early twenties I would probably just drink and smoke more. Now I take more hot baths, write more, and knit more. Sometimes I yell more and sometimes I cry more, but I always take an experience away with me and use it.

Things hang around all year, that is life, but I have heard so many people say that things seem to hit the fan during the holidays.  I'm sure that it just feels that way because we are all already dealing with the pressures that come with holidays.  This year I refuse to feel pressure from anyone.  Not family, not friends, not even my kids!  I won't bend to pressure from society or myself.  Christmas will be simple and enjoyable and that is all I want out of it.  All my things can hang on my mental tree and be dealt with as their times comes.  You lose a few and another is added. C'est la vie!

So acknowledge your hanging "things" but try not to worry about them over the holidays.  Worry about loving and drinking hot chocolate instead.  Your things will fall from their suspended position when they are good and ready, making room for the next. Stress makes us ugly and tired, so let us all find our most productive ways in dealing with it.

Peace be with you, really. 

Holiday Memories

 

Every year around this time I tell myself that next year, I will buy gifts throughout the year and put them away from Christmas.  The idea is that by the time Christmas thrusts upon us, I will be all ready to go.  This is most likely a total pipe dream for me for many reasons.  For one, we are on quite the budget while I am home with the kids, work fluctuates, and we have five children.

I always think it sounds like such a good idea.  Every year we end up having to shop within days of Christmas, and I am not one that enjoys the Christmas crowds, especially while on crutches this year.  Our anniversary is only a few days before Christmas, so it's all meshed together.  If Christmas is on a budget, that usually means anniversary is limited or non existent. One year, we asked Grammy and Pappy to watch the kids while my husband and I used our anniversary day to Christmas shop and enjoy dinner together.  That was a nice night, but I'm avoiding going out as much as I can while I can't walk freely.  Using crutches makes me sweat.  Sweating while not working out and intending to sweat irritates me.  No thanks.

This year I have felt different about it.  We tend to keep Christmas pretty simplistic around here.  For one there is that budget thing I mentioned and for two, I like the kids to enjoy the excitement of gifts, but to see that the focus is on being together and having traditions.  The kids get 2-3 small gifts each and that is that.  We don't have a huge extended family to buy for either, so gift giving is to a minimum. I don't tend to gift to all of my friends, maybe randomly one or two.  Our friendship is worth more than a gift.

Each year since becoming a family of seven, the holidays have seemed to become more and more simplistic.  I love this!  I love it for me, for less stress, and I love it for my kids. We have incorporated some traditions along the way that mean a lot to me.  The first few years of becoming a family it was pretty much gifts in the morning, and then off to whom ever was hosting whatever.  I don't mind that sometimes, but the bigger we became, the more I felt the need to slow it down and have our very own time together and traditions to start and keep.  I want my kids to look back when they are adults and remember things that we did together each year. 

The first Christmas without my dad it was difficult to muster up the Christmas spirit.  I didn't want a tree and I didn't want to decorate or even think about Christmas.  I wanted to get the kids a gift and call it a day.  My mother in law gave me the push I needed.  She gave me a small fake tree and started to set things out.  Christmas was strange that year.  Dad wasn't there, Christmas day was spent at home, at my in-law's and at my sister's with my mom and my brother in-law's family.  Everything had to be rushed to be in three places in one day.  It was even my daughter's first Christmas, but I was sad and lost in grief.

For us we do gifts when we wake up.  Once the oldest two get here from their mom's house, we do a Christmas breakfast.  I set the table extra special and we have homemade biscuits and gravy. Each child has a letter at their place setting and gets to read it  aloud.  In the letter to them I talk about all the accomplishments, growth, and goals they have reached.  They then share with us some of their goals for the coming year.  It's nice for them to each get the spotlight and it's sweet watching their bashful faces beam as they read compliments about themselves aloud. I am admittedly selfish about this part of our day.  I don't want to rush through it because it means something to us, and I don't want to share it because I feel it's important to have something of our own. I have had enough Christmas's that are rushed.  Rushing to get here and rushing to get there, all to appease other people.  We need to appease ourselves first, I don't want my kids growing up to be people pleasers, it's too draining. Not to mention, rushing yourself and five kids is chaotic and quickly drains the holiday spirit.

Maybe they will carry this on to their children in the future, maybe not, but they will remember it as a family Christmas memory. In the time frame of Christmas Eve to the day after Christmas we always spend time with both grandparents and aunts and uncles, also cherished memories for all.  They will remember Christmas Eve at Aunties house with cousin Aidan and Grammy and Pappy and Uncle Jon and Monica, having a big meal, eating Grammy's fudge and cookies, and relaxing around the tree together and playing with their cousin. They will remember years that we spent time at Granny and Grumps on Christmas day, with Auntie Lacy and Grandpa Frank, pulling poppers and playing with all their new stuff. Eating my fudge and pumpkin pie with tons of whipped cream. We also have a holiday get-together with my dad's sisters that live in California, either before Christmas or after. We have a simple tasty meal, gifts for the kids, some mimosas and time together.  It makes it feel like my dad is incorporated into Christmas in some ways, spending the day with his sisters, plus they are fabulous ladies and I love the time I have with them. We have a nice full Christmas season with lots of love and family visits.

Did your family have traditions you enjoyed every year?  Did you stay home?  Did you go to grandma's house?  Did you take off and go somewhere non-traditional.  I have always wanted to sneak off some holiday, the seven of us and go somewhere cool and just spend the day completely different and new, not the norm. When I think of doing that, it always makes me think of the scene from the movie "A Christmas Story", when they have Christmas dinner as a family at a Chinese Restaurant. 

"Fa-Ra Ra Ra Ra, Ra Ra Ra Ra".

My childhood holiday memories?  I have several. 

Leading up to Christmas, my dad would always take my sister and I to a nearby tree lot and help us pick out a tree.  I don't have specific memories of decorating it, but I'm sure we did.  I do have specific memories of decorating a tree at my mom's house.  It was always fun to see the ornaments that you haven't seen for a whole year.  There is something special about only seeing something once a year. I'm somewhat embarrassed to say that up until the last two Christmas's, I didn't let the kids decorate the tree.  I was anal and anxious about it.  I waited until they went to bed and I put out all the décor and decorated the tree.  I know, I know, way to share the cheer right?  Hey, they were really excited to wake up in the morning and see the beautiful tree and all the décor out.  I learned the last few years that I enjoy watching them decorate the tree now.  Yes, I still get a little frantic about fragile pieces or putting heavy ornaments on the bottom and unimportant issues like clumping too many together, but I remind myself to shut up and enjoy the moment and it works.

My dad liked to take us driving around to look at Christmas lights.  I was able to return the favor during his last Christmas with us.  He asked me to drive him around.  It was a quiet drive.  It was sad and special all at once and I think it meant quite a bit to both of us. We usually do a few drives with the kids.  There are some great houses around Granny's house, including Granny's actual house. There is also a spectacular house in our town that has an amazing amount of lights that flutter and blink to the music station that you tune your radio to.  It's a must see every year.

My mom and step dad always had mistletoe hanging in their house and they always stood under it and smooched!  I thought it was pretty cool then and I think it's even cooler now.  It was sweet.  Seeing the affection was healthy.

I remember my dad collecting these tiny little ceramic houses, I think from Gottchalks.  Eventually he would have a small Christmas village that sat on the mantel in December. 

We always had a chain made of construction paper.  You know that ones. You cut one link off every night before bed and when you get to the last one, it's Christmas!

Every Christmas Eve evening we would spend with my mom (and dad) at my maternal grandparents house.  We would have Christmas dinner, or sometimes KFC (LOL), and exchange gifts.  The evening was full of my grandfather's jokes and jabs at my grandmother and she always came back with a quick witted comment.  All the cousins were there and it would be a blast.  I always felt a little bummed when it got late and it was time to head home.  I didn't want the fun to end. The best part about going home though, was that dad always let my sister and I open up one gift from him that had been under the tree.  He always seemed as excited as we were.  One gift right before bed to build up the anticipation for tomorrow. 

In the morning we would open the gifts from my dad and usually go to one of our aunt's homes, or my paternal grandparents house, again having fun with the cousins and being so excited to see grandma and grandpa.  They lived far enough to where we didn't see them a ton and it made it super exciting to visit with them.  My grandfather was always great about showing his enthusiasm when it came to us grand kids.  He would crouch down with arms open wide, cheeks pink, and the biggest smile I'd ever seen, exclaiming "kiddo!".  Those had to have been my favorite hugs as a child. My grandmother always had the most elegant, loving touch. She made me feel delicate and pretty, like a flower, her soothing voice alone made me feel safe and warm. The "Jane Adams Potatoes" were a special treat, a family recipe. Creamy comfort food.  I always wondered why they were called that.  I figured Jane Adams must have been a chef, or someone of importance, or maybe just a description of food that I didn't comprehend.  I learned only a few  years ago that my grandmother got the recipe decades ago from a lady who lived down the street, her name was Jane Adams. So, she called them Jane Adams Potatoes.  Perfectly hilarious.

It was easy as a kid.  You just get really excited, put a pretty dress on and go wherever your parents took you.  Now you have your family,  your spouse's family, plus your own nuclear family and sometimes one or both of those families are split and do not celebrate together.  It's just too much to be expected to be everywhere, but we do what we can.

I tried to branch out last year and do a gingerbread house kit.  Not sure I'll do that again.  It was fun and all, I can't remember if everyone wanted to just eat it, or if no one wanted to eat it and I had this food house sitting around.  We don't even visit Santa every year.  I'm going for simple, so I don't want to feel obligated to cram too many activities into one month, and the kids don't mind a bit. They have no expectations besides being together, opening a gift, seeing family, and biscuits and gravy. I want to go this year because my youngest has never been. When I was a part of a local mom's group, we attended some activities like caroling, cookie decorating, Christmas crafts.  These were great fun, but as they get older we are slowing down.  I'm still trying to figure out every year how to buy the kids' gifts without them around since we end up having to wait until they are already on Christmas break. I don't even have the urge to bake this year.  I plan to make fudge, as my mother in law won't let me in if I don't bring it (just kidding Granny) and my stepson has already requested peanut butter fudge, so I'd love to make that happen.

I still feel like it was just summer a few weeks ago.  Football practice, shorts, sweat, sunscreen, and popsicles.  Now it's almost time to roast chestnuts on an open fire!?  It creeps up faster every year.

So have a wonderfully busy season or a laid back slow season, which ever you prefer and enjoy it while it's here.  Soon it will be spring and everyone will be coloring eggs.  Enjoy your traditions and enjoy your visits. Don't drink and drive and don't be a hater.  Haters suck all year long, but especially during the holidays ;-)

I am one of those people that say "Happy Holidays".  I am not against "Merry Christmas", but the way I see it, November and December are months that are full of holidays of all kinds.  It doesn't have to be exclusively dedicated to religion.  It's a time for remembering thanks and it's a time to give and be grateful for everyone, as we are all the same in that way and we all can feel joy from it.

Happy Holidays, from mine to yours.