We made the move! CA to UT

Well, we did it. We made the move. We lifted our born and raised roots from California and planted them in Utah soil.

This is more like a journal entry, so if you want to hear me ramble on about my experience so far, keep reading. :)

I have to say I would have never in a million years thought I would end up in Utah. I worried a little that I was a pinch too liberal for Utah. What if I found myself drowning in heavy duty conservative sauce? (I love everyone, I am just not always so conservative when it comes to my beliefs) Was there going to be creative outlets for me that are a little "different"? Was it going to be culturally diverse enough? This is important to me. I grew up surrounded by diversity, it gifted me tolerance and openness, along with a thirst and appreciation for learning about other cultures and I want the same gift for my children.

Our first week here in our new home was giddy. I love the house, I love the yard, and I love the neighborhood. There is usually something romantic (in an organizational way, if you're into that) about unpacking a house. You either love it or hate it. I found joy in it. A week of deciding what would go where, what I no longer had room for, what I could use differently, and so on. There is still some excitement left in that area as I still need to buy a desk and a few dressers. I had welcoming family members and a dear friend, (we will call her Cookie) nearby. I was full of energy and smiles.

The second week morphed into something completely different. It started off exciting, Beeb started at her new elementary school and Bub started at his new Junior High School. They both had a great first week and made friends and I still had a week of little man Booski home with me before he started kindergarten. I was so happy for them that they were adjusting so well and jumping right in, so what was my problem? I felt lethargic. When I say lethargic, I mean I felt like I absolutely HAD to lie down every day. It was as if my legs were dragging behind me. If I didn't have the change in altitude to blame, I would have thought there was something seriously wrong with me. This lasted for almost two weeks! I felt exhausted, I felt down and depressed, and I felt lonely. It's not that I wanted to be around anyone either, I wanted to be alone because I felt lonely and shitty. I know and trust my feelings enough to know it was just my way of adjusting to a big change. It was confusing at first, why would I feel like shit when the change was my choice and I felt so positive about it? I had to remind myself that change is change. Good or bad, change can be rough. It can be ugly. A butterfly goes through a mess of shit before changing into such a beautiful creature.

Another dear friend, my "bosom buddy", reminded me that I can look at this change as a brand new start. I could do anything. I could be excited about it! She was right, I have an opportunity right now to do what I want with my time, to an extent. I have a few hours to myself during the day (2 hours and 45 minutes to be exact) while little Booski is in school, my classes haven't started up yet, so besides the regular busy-ness of day to day errand running, cleaning, yelling at dogs, cooking and all that fine stuff, I could start new and do new things with my time. I miss my breakfast with the bosom buddy, I miss coffee dates and walks, I have to start over and do things for me, with me. I also knew I needed to get active to help this lethargic state. I want to get in shape and lose weight and I want to have my energy back and there is no excuse not to.

First things first is trying new things. Here I was worried that I wouldn't find my kind of "things" out here. I live only 30 minutes from Salt Lake City, there is everything! There is diversity, there is natural food stores, there are meditation groups, kundalini yoga classes, there are groups that meditate and eat vegetarian dinners in the park, there are kick ass coffee shops, and brilliant restaurants. I want to try it all! These are some of the things that I wanted in California, but being in the central valley, some of these things and ideas were a distance away making it difficult to be a part of it. All of this goodness right at my fingertips!

Here's what I did first. I signed up at the gym. I'm not really a gym-girl. It easily feels intimidating, or testosterone-y. Plus my hip is still partially fractured so I'm not always sure what my limits are. The gym in town though, has a few things I thougtht I could really benefit from. First, daycare. I can leave Booski to play while I do something for myself. Second, classes. They have a ton of classes. I have craving a new sense of community, especially in the health area. So far I've done the yoga class, Pilate's, step, and I plan on trying kickboxing and zumba. It turns out the step class was advanced. When I left there, I felt like I had just done crossfit. Crazy intense, not what I expected. I plan on going every Friday and letting it kick my ass. Third, a sauna. Come on, a sauna. Tons of beautiful moist heat wrapped around your tired muscles. Love. Love. Love. There is a pool and a hot tub, and a steam room too but I mostly dig the sauna. Anyway, I'm becoming an exercise class junky and it has fixed my lethargic ways this last week. Now when I'm tired it is because I worked out, not because I'm depressed and in a higher elevation. It lifts my mood, my energy, and my motivation. Utah's slogan is "Utah, life elevated." It certainly is elevated, the inside of my nose is dry and bloody and I have to use my inhaler more often, but I will take that slogan and run with it on a more personal level, as if the inside of my nose wasn't personal enough for you.

Next I signed up for a meditation class in SLC. I have been meditating at home for a few years but I have always wanted to try a group meditation. This was a particular type, Sahaja Meditation. Anything to help awake the kundalini sounds worth a try to me. I invited Cookie to come along and check it out. It was more instructional than I had hoped for, was looking for more meditation than instruction but I did learn a lot more about the chakras and the history of Sahaja and how it relates to yoga and unity. The group setting is definitely a great addition to my practice. I already found some other meditation classes Cookie, so get ready!

I've set aside time for my kundalini yoga practice at home, my sacred cup of coffee with a side of mountain views, a gym class a few days a week, and quality time with Booski before he goes to afternoon kindergarten. By the end of week three I was feeling more balanced. I've been back to making freezer meals to make life easier. There is something about looking in the garage freezer and seeing meals ready to thaw and cook that makes me fill up with joy. It makes me feel like I have my shit together or something, I'm prepared, I'm ready, and I don't really have to cook.

The more I browsed around on Meetup, the more I could see that while being a conservative state (there are plenty of conservative things about me, just not as a whole) there are a multitude of groups and activities to get involved in. I felt less alone already.

Let's talk about the white people.

Were my children going to be constantly surrounded by white people and forget about how beautiful it is that the world is full of different poeple and history and cultures? It started to weigh on me much heavier than I thought it would. At the end of my second week here, as I was leaving Costco in Salt Lake City, I heard a woman speaking to her children in Spanish. My eyes immediatly filled with tears. It felt like the woman was hugging me. One of those deep, cleansing hugs that only some poeple know how to give. I felt like I was at home, hearing a Mexian woman speak to her children in Spanish. It may sound silly but it meant the world to me. I talked to my best friend since 7th grade (we will call her "my Janet") on my drive home. She reassured me that it was normal, that she went through similar feelings when she moved from our hometown to an area that was pridominently white. 

During week three I got out a lot more. Trips to Salt Lake City and errands in town showed me that there was more diversity than I had first thought. It made me feel more at peace with the whole thing. It makes me realize just how diverse and differnt California can be. A piece of my heart will always be there in CA, but I am embracing Utah with open arms and as of week 4, with more normal energy levels and motivation.

So here we are at one month after moving in. After a roller coaster of feelings I feel the balancing taking place. I feel like I am exploring and settling in. I feel happy about everything there is to offer here. All of the outdoor fun, the classes, the education, the family and sense of community. It's all here.

I have to say that our family here is amazingly supportive and loving. They regularly show that they want to help and support us, they want to spend time and make memories with us, and that they love us and our children. It's absolutly heart warming. It makes a big change that much easier.

What ever change you are going through, remember to be paitent with it. It could be big lifestyle changes, moving, a new job, starting school or even small changes. Small changes can affect you more than you think. Grief stricken changes like death are probably the most challenging, but you will get through it. You will not be the same afterwards, but you will get through it and figure out the new you. Allow yourself to feel like shit, really. As long as you are aware of what is going on with you, you will be able to move past it and take something with you. Just about everything can involve self discovery. Through the good and the bad, keep doing you.

Ten things I will miss about Patterson

As most of you know, my family and I are moving out of state in the next few weeks. I've been thinking lately about the things I will miss about Patterson, the small-ish community in California that I live in. Most of these thoughts have randomly came to mind while I am doing things, running errands, etc.

Once I'm settled and acclimated in Utah, I'll blog what I miss about California. 😉

We have lived in Patterson for over 7 years now, we have added a child to our family, been through a few pets, made life long friends, disconnected from friends, I lost myself, found myself, volunteered, entertained, became a part of a wonderful group of exceptional women whom it's hard to imagine not having around at arm's reach, started new practices, and learned the true meaning of self love (later post).

Our time here has left a deep mark on the timeline of our life.

Besides the obvious, like missing friends, family, and memories, here are a few random things I have thoughtfully realized I will miss, in no particular order.

1. The produce guy at Save Mart. The first guy was great and made Donald Duck noises at the kids, he transferred and I thought Save Mart would never be the same. The current produce dude though, he's just great. He's nice, he's friendly, he's attractive in an unfamiliar way, he's down to earth, and he makes you feel like his job, and my consumerism is all tied into the workings of "community". The pharmacy guy is hella cool too, but the produce guy just makes you feel good about small talk at the market (let's use that word more, shall we? Market, it just sounds so quaint). Plus he saved all those boxes for me, so he's a badass in my book.

2. I will miss Domasco's, the restaurant inside the hotel. I've had countless breakfasts with my bosom buddy, random meals there with other friends, and a delicious, tipsy dinner with three of my closest girls during our "50 Shades of Food" days. The food is fresh and full of quality. The coffee is actually good, they have a decent selection of tea, and you feel like you have stepped out of Patterson and are in some hole in the wall in the city. Oh, and there sausage is THE best. It's a perfectly brown, crumbly little patty. They also have amazing pancakes. The most recent waitress really was the cherry on top. She made you feel like an old friend and said the funniest shit! She's great.

3. Running into Amber Silva and Mona Chapparo at Walmart. It's just nice, you know? You run to Walmart because there is almost always a reason to and you know people who work there so there is almost always a friendly face and some chit chat, maybe a hug too. It's comforting.

4. Frank Raines Park. If you head west of the 5 and take the first right, you can take a scenic drive (absolutly beautiful) through the winding hills. I believe it is about 17 miles to the OHV park, camping area, super cool playground, and Adobe Springs ( this will be #5!). All it takes is 45 minutes to an hour and you can get away in nature. You can spend the day, the weekend, the week, and enjoy the beautiful views on the way there. Despite the beauty, I have to be honest, I get pretty nervous on the drive, but that's me and my nerves.

5. Adobe Springs! This is a complete gem! If you take the drive to Frank Raines just a tad further you will come to Adobe Springs. You can fill up containers of spring water at no cost. It's often referred to as "magic water". It's full of magnesium and comes straight from the spring. It has 110 mg of magnesium per liter, where tap water has an average (in the US) of 3 mg per liter. Now that's magic! You feel like you are on some special adventure, driving up the hill to a little spicket for your magic water. Like a secret garden of sorts. Here is a LINK to a Youtube video I found about the spring. The guy is actually coming from San Jose, so your drive from Patterson woudln't be as long. I'd say about an hour with all the twists and turns. He is full of information. It's also a lot of fun for the kids.

6. Stewart and Jaspers. How convenient is it to have a little wine tasting bar right in town? I've had several evenings there meeting up with the crew for a wine flight. Once we rode our bikes there. We weren't quite able to ride them back home, but how cute is it to ride your bike to go wine tasting? You can sit and snack on different flavored almonds while you sip different types of wine. It's a small wine and gift shop with a wine bar and a few tables. Small, quiet (until you get towards the end of your flight), quaint, and only a bike ride away.

7. Rickey's Taqueria. It's not the best Mexian food ever, but it's good. The atmosphere is family friendly and kids eat free on Wednesday so yup, I'm going to miss that. Rickey himself is usually there and he's a super friendly guy. Also the horchata is delicious, better than the taco truck by far.

8. The three week winter school break. I sometimes have mixed feelings about this one. There I times I feel that two weeks would be sufficient and that last week may throw me over the edge, but it's become a treat to have the kids out of school for three weeks over the holidays. It gives us more freedom to visit family and friends and even to stick around home longer and just come down from the holiday madness.

9. Palm trees. The long lines of palm trees on some of Patteron's streets. They are strong and well kept, and I didn't notice many palms in Utah. It's so "California".

10. Last but not least, the orchards. I will miss driving through the lush almond and apricot orchards in thier uniform rows and watching them go through all of their stages. I always feel a little sad when I see them at the end of thier season, chopped own and laying on their side, like an orchard graveyard. 

The Winds of Change: My Heart Belongs to my Yoga Pants

The winds of change are blowing hard. Actually, the way I feel about it is more of a perfect breeze and I am riding it into the next chapter of life.

After seven years of being home with the kids I am returning back to work full time. I trust the universe in it's plan as everything came about with the grace of perfect timing, the right company and position, my hip is good to go, and everything fell into place in regards to the kids, the where, what, and whens are all tied up.

I am so grateful for the factors that allowed me to stay home while my kids were young. Logan was three when I stopped working outside the home and Dominique and Andrew have had me home since the beginning. I have gone through my emotions about missing the kids, although I am sure it will creep up again.  I have had many thoughtful days about being at peace with losing the free time I acquired when Andrew started preschool. I am thankful for the quality alone time I have had to reflect and grow, and write, especially this last year when it meant the most to me. I am grateful for the years I had to make friends and be a part of a wonderful group of women who changed what a SAHM meant to me and what true sisterhood is all about.

There is a certain change that has been sticking in my mind the last few days. Relationships are going to change. I will not have my coffee dates or breakfast with my girlfriends, we will have to form new ways of keeping up with one another. I won't have summer break full of lazy days at home and exhausting outings.  I won't be home with dinner ready when my husband walks through the door, or all the times he is hoping dinner is ready and instead I haven't even thought of dinner yet because my brain is so fried from the kids arguing and spilling stuff. I have a feeling I have let my mind wander to a particular topic a tad too much...

My yoga pants.

The relationship between myself and my yoga pants is going to take on a whole new life. Now when I say yoga pants, I usually am referring to any kind of work out pants. I am a huge fan of my form fitting Capri-length workout pants, but yoga pants have a special comfort all their own. Wearing them is like eating a bowl of mashed potatoes, hopefully you are doing yoga in them and not eating a bowl of mashed potatoes, but I'm talking about the comfort they bring. You know damn well a bowl of taters brings you comfort, let's be real here. They are soft and stretchy, and easy. They are typically black and slimming (I tell myself this anyway so don't you dare spoil it for me).

Let me just reminisce about my history with yoga pants. I remember my first pair. It was in 2006. It was just me and my toddler. I wore them only while taking walks or my days off that were spent at home. We did not have a strong bond. I did respect them and all the comfort they had to offer, but our relationship was casual.

Fast forward about five years. At this point it is now myself, my husband, my five children, a couple of dogs, and my yoga pants. Our relationship had become intense, to the point of me feeling the need to own three pair.  I only owned three pair because on one income, I didn't feel comfortable buying more.  If I did, I would have had like, seven pair.

First it was all comfort and love. I loved how soft and easy they were. They were dependable. I respected them and they got me through the day. After a while though, things got messy. It became a co-dependent relationship.  Most people that know me, know that I cringe at co-dependency.  Only because by nature I am deeply independent (or I organically became this way at some point in life). I remember feeling a little bitter when one pair got a hole, as if it ripped its own seem just to piss me off. A friend once surprised me with a pair of yoga pants as a gift. I can remember the day like it was yesterday. They are my favorite pair to this day. There were times the husband would make comments about the yoga pants, as if he wish I would put on some jeans or making them sound negative in some form. He obviously noticed how close we had become. I was not about to let my husband's comments come between us, he knew nothing of the bond we shared. How dare he, he doesn't even wear yoga pants, how would he know!

I know that some people complain about people that wear work out clothes while not working out. I get it, but being at  home with kids is kind of like working out. Not like heart racing, calorie burning working out, but you get messy.  It is the type of 'job' that requires comfort and ease of movement. For me, I was almost constantly moving. I was either actually doing yoga or working out, I was cleaning, I was running errands, I was picking up dog shit, I was cleaning up little boy pee, I was wiping up spills, I was making lunch, I was meal prepping, I was picking up and dropping off at multiple schools.  I was doing so much laundry on a regular basis that I didn't want to waste my "good clothes" on doing all this busy work and adding to my laundry. There were days no one really saw me besides my kids and whomever was at the preschool. I wasn't showing up in pajama pants so can it!

So here we are, myself and my favorite pair of yoga pants. I've been getting in some lovely, comfort-filled days with them this last week. Next week I will reunite with my old flame, Business Casual.  It's been a long time. I have to say I am pretty excited about getting back together. We shared some stylish times and I look forward to more. I know that my yoga pants will be faithfully waiting for me. I plan on early morning yoga and of course any lazy weekend that arises. A healthy break will do us some good. I know you can't always move backwards, but I think its worth a try to get back to the casual life we used to have together. Change comes with change.

I probably would have become just as attached to my yoga pant material booty shorts, if it weren't inappropriate to leave them house wearing them. Sometimes society's pull is a good thing.

So here's to change, in many forms. Lifestyle. Motherhood. Relationships. Yoga pants.

Make the little things big.

It has been a long, thoughtful week.  It has been full of a wide range of activities and feelings. There was friends coming together for casual fun with food and laughter.  There was death and deep empathy with a thoughtful celebration of life.  There was resentment and frustration, but the beauty of  awareness making it capable to let go.  There were future plans made in excitement.  There was stress and worry about deadlines with confirmations for peace of mind. There was the challenge of being calm when it would be so much easier to let the ego take over, even for just a little bit. There were memories that take us back to a beautiful place but leave you with a bit of sadness that the place is only a memory now. 

As we live life, more and more people and places become just a memory.  It's a difficult transition to adjust to. It's painful and sad.  You are broken for a while.  You gradually come back together, but never exactly the same as before, just good enough to keep on living and loving. In a way, you become harder, your scar tissue becomes a type of shell that is hard to puncture.  At the same time though, you become much  more sensitive, things aren't always so impenetrable once they've been broken, but always resilient. That in itself is a form of strong, being resilient. If you won't allow yourself to be broken and renew,  how strong can you really be?  When you won't allow yourself to fall apart, you are hiding from pain.  As scary as it may be, it is necessary.

We all have our deamons. Some move in and out of our lives like a storm, others play a daily role, not leaving our side for long. Small joys. I've found that small joys can play a large role if you let them. Small joys are big if you see them that way.  

For me it's been a few things. Some are for me, some are for me and my connection to my family, my connection to my husband or my connection to myself. 

A spontaneous trip to the park with the kids after school. It breaks up our normal routine enough to give me a much needed boost. It may be the sunshine, the kids arguing outside instead of indoors :-) or maybe just the change of scenery in general. 

Tea. I've been drinking a beautiful cup of hot tea several times a day. I used to drink tea occasionally, usually from a coffee cup. I only pulled the tea cups out when my mom would visit. There is something about the act of drinking tea that demands respect. It forces me to sit and collect myself for a while. You can't rush through a cup of tea. I am a rusher by nature, so if I could, I would, but again there is just something about hot tea that demands respect. It takes me to a quiet place in my mind (even with noise around me and that's difficult for me!) Not many things have the ability to calm my thoughts and ease my tensions, so if a tiny cup of tea can do it, I welcome it all day! I've learned to allow it to take me to a quiet, thoughtful place of reflection and peace. I guess in a way, I drink several cups of tea, in pretty little cups and saucers as a form of meditation. For two weeks I've been taking tea with me on the go as well, so I can get to that quiet place while I'm out and about.  It's a little thing and it's big for me.

 Find what little thing is big for you, and make it even bigger.

License: <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

Friendships. Old Friends, New Friends, Changed Friends.

Isn't it much different making friends as an adult compared to let's say being a kid, or being in High School, or even a young adult?  I cherish that I have many friendships of different kinds.  I've had my friendships that will be alive forever.  The ones that have been with you for so many stages of your life.  I have three dear friends that I met in Junior High that I still consider my "best friends".  We could go for long stretches without talking but it is mutually understood that we love one another unconditionally and are friendship isn't going anywhere, it's here to stay. These are the women that knew me as a teenager, they know all about my rebellion, my sweetness, my mistakes, the pain I have been through, and the happiest moments of my life.  I know all of theirs as well.  We go for long periods of time when life gets busy and we don't talk and then there are times we make time to talk or visit.  We are at weddings, funerals, births, the important moments tie us together a little tighter with each one.  There is something about my old school "best friends" that ground me when I see them.  Maybe it reminds me of the younger care free girl I was, or the growth I've experienced since the old times. It's a special bond to carry a friendship through so many stages.

Then I made some friends as a young adult.  Some we try to keep in touch and a few of us are still very close.  We partied hard together, consoled one another after break ups, talked for hours about life and our ideas, hung out every weekend, and sometimes became more than friends. These are friends that were there during a very wild, confusing part of life.  We were all on the verge of becoming real adults that would soon jump into the real world of responsibilities. We then watched one another mature, meet our spouses, settle down, some of us had children.  We shared special times together when there was parts of us alive that aren't there any more because we have tamed ourselves (yes, I was a wild one at times, dealing with some demons the only way I knew how). Some of these friends knew that, or figured it out, they know parts of me that new friends do not. These friends were all a part of vital time in life during the gateway to becoming a real adult, and I love them to pieces. Both sets of friends would be the ones to notice that after losing my father a big piece of me was gone for a while.  The funny girl was gone.  My laugh and smile were gone unless I forced them out.  I wasn't me for a while.

Then we have the new friends.  The friends I made since moving to a new place 6 years ago.  I met them when I was trying to get myself back.  I sometimes wondered if they would ever know the funny girl who laughed a lot.  I'm happy to say she came back and they know her well. 

I was lucky to make many.  The process was different though.  I met many people all at once, making it very difficult to see who was a real friend and who was more of a friendly acquaintance. It took time. We were all adults, we were all mothers, we all had a common ground.  This in itself gave me the illusion that everyone was at the same maturity level and understanding of friendship. This does not mean we were all meant to be close friends, which some did not grasp.  There were times I trusted when I shouldn't have. There was times I shared things and shouldn't have.  There were times when I could tell I was being put in the middle of things.  There were times when I knew there was jealousy from others for becoming close to particular people.  It amazed me how much effort and energy this took!  To deal with all of these feelings and emotions from everyone else, and watching them do the same.  We all seemed to exhausted, and it wasn't just from taking care of kids all day. I was dumbfounded when I would learn that this group of ladies would talk about that group of ladies.  Or when someone claimed to be a friend to another, but when one negative thing was said about her, she ditches her all together.  I've made a friend only to have her drop me like a hot cake with no explanation when I was under the impression that she cared about me and our friendship for quite some time.  I saw a lot of heart break happen and it was sad.   I didn't see it right away. All I saw was how great it was to have this support system of women.  It was new to me and it was priceless. We are grown women, with children, I would have never anticipated the drama and complexity this large circle entailed. 

It got complicated.  If I hung out with one small group, it seemed to be an issue when I hung out with another small group without including everyone.  This was not in any way based around me, just in general I saw it happen to many people. People started to group us all as one solid person, forgetting that we are individuals who have different relationships with each other.  We didn't need to always be "the 4 of us" or the "3 of us", everyone is their own person and can spend their time how they please without it offending anyone.  I had came into this group of wonderful women with the idea that we were all mature, we were all adult women with children.  I was so surprised at how much sensitivity, jealousy, and insecurities were flying around.  It opened my eyes. When I first became aware I was turned off by it.  I am the type that if I feel even slightly smothered or hunted, I disappear.  I need my freedom and alone time, with any relationship.  I am independent and I sometimes don't feel social at all.  I don't ever want to feel obligated to anyone just to make them feel better. I spent a good portion of my life people pleasing and I'm on the road to retirement from that.  I can't do needy and I can't have someone not respecting my time as well as their own.  I have bigger fish to fry in the world like the focus on my marriage, my family, my passions, and my goals to worry about who is kicking it with who or what passive-aggressive comment might be meant towards who on Facebook.

However, after feeling disappointed and even angry about some of these behaviors, and after backing away from it all, I started to see it in a new light.  I realized that I needed to see people for who they are.  Some people are very sensitive.  Some people have debilitating insecurities.  Some people easily feel rejected.  I have come too far to go accommodating every one's personal needs before my own, but I could become understanding.  I had to understand that some of my friendships would change and that that was OK. Some friendships would become more like friendly acquaintances.  Some friends you may not spend time with anymore but running into them and exchanging a big hug and "how are ya?" is wonderful. Some friendships would become distant but still loyal if ever either of us were in need of help or praise. Some became lifelong friendships that I don't know what I would do without.  Some became nothing and some became questionable.  Some would take too much effort and it shouldn't be that hard.  Some would be tested and some would be forced.  Some you just have to let fade. In younger  years when friendships were no longer their was usually huge drama behind it. As an adult it's important to realize and accept change, it's so much easier on the heart. There are those times when things get dirty and friendships end with high emotion and that is unfortunate.

I've seen friends that went from being as tight as they come to becoming fake-friendly acquaintance. I've seen close friends become strangers.  I've seen people who weren't so sure about each other become a tight knit pair.  

It's more complicated as adults, we are focused on family, marriage, we are experiencing deaths, tragedies, special events, we are learning that we can't always rely on the people we thought we could, there is so much going on in this stage of life, we really need our friends.  With how connected we all are now through social media, we tend to compare ourselves.  We see the posts from the mom who complains about being so busy all the time, even though we are all busy in our own ways and some choose to stay so busy.  There are the posts that brag about all the great donating and volunteering they do, making sure everyone knows how wonderful they are.  There are the posts about how wonderful their marriage is, when they may have just made up after a huge fight.  Its not real.  Real is being there for someone and knowing them, not their posts on the Internet. My advice would be not to worry so much.  You do what you do. There is no one you  need to keep up with.  Do what feels right for you and your family.  No one needs to be a certain way, we are all different and that's what makes great friendships, loving the differences in each other.  Follow your gut on who is true to you.  Don't expect to be a part of everything. If  your friendships are real there shouldn't be a reason to feel insecure.  Is this person there for you when you are in need?  When you ask their advice, do they give it to you straight?  Are you hanging out because you enjoy  your time together, or because you want to post it on social media for someone else to see?  Do they care about your feelings?  My biggest factor in a friend, a close friend that I trust, is are they real?  Are they the same person all the time, no matter who is around? Are they honest? Maybe they are not, that's OK too, I can still like them and enjoy their company now and again and love things about them.

Easier said than done, but try not to be hurt when friendships change.  Be hurt if it hurts, but try to move on. Remember that life is constantly changing and people come in and out of our lives for so many reasons. When you have a few people who offer you the support of caring about you.  The support of encouraging  your dreams, the support of a helping hand and an open ear. The support of being real and sharing laughs. Friends that understand when you need to be alone. The support of keeping your secrets.  The support of being genuinely happy for your accomplishments, this is the good stuff.  This is what friends, of all types are made of.

The whole experience of old friends, new friends, lost friends, and changed friends has been important.  Once you understand that it is all a part of the circle of life you can see the good in it all rather than feel upset or let down. I don't regret a single friendship, however or long or short lived it was. Even when things end, there was something to be learned. 

So keep making friends!  Keep your close friends dear to your heart, offer big genuine smiles to your friendly acquaintance friends and be open to new friends, keep it simple.  Once things get too complex it will eventually become toxic.