RSVP - The Lost Ettiquette

What has happened to invitational activity etiquette?  Is that a real term or did I just make up something pretty cool?

I'm hoping it is not lost forever, although I have an overcast feeling about it.  Etiquette used to be important, as in downright embarrassing if you didn't follow it.  Now, I believe in things evolving and changing with the times, but some etiquette is made up of a common decency.

The one that leaves the worst taste in my mouth is the fading RSVP.  Do we remember what RSVP stands for?  It stand for the French words: "Respondez s'il vous plait", which mean "Please Respond".  It's pretty straight forward.  Someone is planning an event, big or small and needs to know who will be showing up so that they may plan accordingly.  Our changing ways of planning events have even made it easier for people to RSVP.  There was a huge wave of e-vites sent via email.  All you had to do was mouse click a yes, a no, or a maybe. Done.  A lot of us now use a Facebook Event.  You click accept, decline, or maybe.  You can even leave a comment if you wish to do so.

A few months back I hosted a party using a Facebook Event as means of invitations.  I was amazed at how many people simply didn't respond at all.  I feel strongly that it is not necessary for someone to explain why they are not attending an event, it is no business of anyone else's.  Maybe they are busy, maybe they just aren't in the mood, fine by me, but one click and I would at least know not to expect you.  I would know not to include you in the headcount and planning of food, drinks, and seating. I could plan accordingly.

I used to think it was just a pinch of laziness.  I was wrong.  It's rude.  It is simply rude. It literally only takes seconds to briefly think about someone else and how your lack of communication will effect them. This is not a passive-aggressive attempt at calling someone out, this is my personal rant about tiny pieces of selfishness (seen in many people) that add up to disappointment.

For one of my kids I recently decided to go the route of real invitations. She only wanted to invite a few girls from her class. I don't know the parents, so they were passed out at school before the end of the school year.  This was about three weeks before said event.  Plenty of time to RSVP.  I wrote right on the invitation to RSVP by call or text, making it even easier to do so  I thought so anyway).  It doesn't take long to text whether your child will attend or not.  Here we are, the day of the event and I have heard not a thing from not a person.  I have no way to contact them (which I shouldn't have to do anyway) and my child is planning on having friends over today for pizza and crafts.  How much pizza do I buy? How many girls will be here? I don't have a clue!

When I do not get a response, I assume that is a no.  I will not bust my ass in preparing for a party and have my daughter sit and wait to have no one show up with no warning.  So today, a sign will go up on the door that the party is cancelled.  What if someone does show up?  Well, my note on the door will be more notice than they gave me about their attendance to the party.  We are going to have a fun mother-daughter day instead.  Fortunately, she is super excited at the idea of a day together.

I am more than understanding to the fact that sometimes things slip through the cracks. We all have busy lives. Today I was supposed to somehow fit in a football meeting, a baseball game, a birthday party, a doctor's appoint and housework.  The party was planned ahead of time and everything else fell in afterwards.  I can't make it to some of these things, so I made a phone call or sent an email.  I responded! I thought about the person on the other end for just a moment.

So please, let's keep some etiquette alive! Just a click, or a text, or a quick call, no need to explain yourself.  A simple count me in or count me out is all it takes.  If you responded yes, and you aren't going to make it after all, let someone know!

OK. End rant.

Recipe Share - Slightly Modified Chocolate Chip Cookies

Last year I posted a recipe for a healthier version of chocolate chip cookies.  Unfortunately, that post was on my old domain which I can no longer access. 

The kids have been asking about those cookies and when I'm going to make them again.  I kept putting it off because I wasn't sure of the recipe.

Today ended up being a day filled with hours of cooking and baking.  I made granola bars, cinnamon granola, chicken soup, and a big pot of beans for tomorrow.  I also made a double batch of those tasty chocolate chip cookies.  I had to wing it but they turned out great.  The kids say they are the best cookies they have ever had.  They may have just been excited there was homemade cookies in the making after a whole year, but hey, I will take the compliment.

I substituted a few ingredients to make them just a tad healthier.  If they are not healthier, they are at least packed with more health benefiting ingredients. One thing I know I did differently was not using applesauce.  Last time I used applesauce in place of butter and I personally loved the results.  Today I didn't have any applesauce so I replaced the butter with coconut oil.  Still yummy, but I prefer the applesauce, it made it more moist.  The kids say this batch was better.

My measurements are a guess so don't get uptight. :-)

1 cup of All Purpose Flour
3/4 cup Coconut Flour
1 teaspoon Salt
1 teaspoon Baking Powder

3/4 cup Coconut Oil
3/4 cup Honey
1 Tablespoon Vanilla Extract
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar (I used unrefined sugar)
3 eggs
2 yolks
1/4-1/2 cup of Almond Milk (only because I felt it was too thick)
Dash of Cinnamon

2 cups Chocolate Chips

1. Preheat Oven to 325 degrees
2. Mix together first four ingredients
3. In a separate bowl, melt coconut butter enough to be soft or almost liquid
4. Add remaining ingredients (except for chocolate chips) to the coconut oil and cream together.
5. Slowly stir in flour mixture to creamed mixture, a little at a time until all is mixed together.
6. Stir in chocolate chips (walnuts would be lovely too)
7. Place dough, by heaping spoonful onto a cookie sheet covered in parchments paper.
8. Bake at 325 for 12-14 minutes.

Do not over cook. Pull cookies out when still soft to touch, they will continue to cook and remain soft and chewy.

I made a double batch of these today and they were a hit.  You still have the sugar in there but no butter and less traditional flour.  I think last time I used more honey and less sugar.

Let me know if you try the recipe.

Enjoy!

The Winds of Change: My Heart Belongs to my Yoga Pants

The winds of change are blowing hard. Actually, the way I feel about it is more of a perfect breeze and I am riding it into the next chapter of life.

After seven years of being home with the kids I am returning back to work full time. I trust the universe in it's plan as everything came about with the grace of perfect timing, the right company and position, my hip is good to go, and everything fell into place in regards to the kids, the where, what, and whens are all tied up.

I am so grateful for the factors that allowed me to stay home while my kids were young. Logan was three when I stopped working outside the home and Dominique and Andrew have had me home since the beginning. I have gone through my emotions about missing the kids, although I am sure it will creep up again.  I have had many thoughtful days about being at peace with losing the free time I acquired when Andrew started preschool. I am thankful for the quality alone time I have had to reflect and grow, and write, especially this last year when it meant the most to me. I am grateful for the years I had to make friends and be a part of a wonderful group of women who changed what a SAHM meant to me and what true sisterhood is all about.

There is a certain change that has been sticking in my mind the last few days. Relationships are going to change. I will not have my coffee dates or breakfast with my girlfriends, we will have to form new ways of keeping up with one another. I won't have summer break full of lazy days at home and exhausting outings.  I won't be home with dinner ready when my husband walks through the door, or all the times he is hoping dinner is ready and instead I haven't even thought of dinner yet because my brain is so fried from the kids arguing and spilling stuff. I have a feeling I have let my mind wander to a particular topic a tad too much...

My yoga pants.

The relationship between myself and my yoga pants is going to take on a whole new life. Now when I say yoga pants, I usually am referring to any kind of work out pants. I am a huge fan of my form fitting Capri-length workout pants, but yoga pants have a special comfort all their own. Wearing them is like eating a bowl of mashed potatoes, hopefully you are doing yoga in them and not eating a bowl of mashed potatoes, but I'm talking about the comfort they bring. You know damn well a bowl of taters brings you comfort, let's be real here. They are soft and stretchy, and easy. They are typically black and slimming (I tell myself this anyway so don't you dare spoil it for me).

Let me just reminisce about my history with yoga pants. I remember my first pair. It was in 2006. It was just me and my toddler. I wore them only while taking walks or my days off that were spent at home. We did not have a strong bond. I did respect them and all the comfort they had to offer, but our relationship was casual.

Fast forward about five years. At this point it is now myself, my husband, my five children, a couple of dogs, and my yoga pants. Our relationship had become intense, to the point of me feeling the need to own three pair.  I only owned three pair because on one income, I didn't feel comfortable buying more.  If I did, I would have had like, seven pair.

First it was all comfort and love. I loved how soft and easy they were. They were dependable. I respected them and they got me through the day. After a while though, things got messy. It became a co-dependent relationship.  Most people that know me, know that I cringe at co-dependency.  Only because by nature I am deeply independent (or I organically became this way at some point in life). I remember feeling a little bitter when one pair got a hole, as if it ripped its own seem just to piss me off. A friend once surprised me with a pair of yoga pants as a gift. I can remember the day like it was yesterday. They are my favorite pair to this day. There were times the husband would make comments about the yoga pants, as if he wish I would put on some jeans or making them sound negative in some form. He obviously noticed how close we had become. I was not about to let my husband's comments come between us, he knew nothing of the bond we shared. How dare he, he doesn't even wear yoga pants, how would he know!

I know that some people complain about people that wear work out clothes while not working out. I get it, but being at  home with kids is kind of like working out. Not like heart racing, calorie burning working out, but you get messy.  It is the type of 'job' that requires comfort and ease of movement. For me, I was almost constantly moving. I was either actually doing yoga or working out, I was cleaning, I was running errands, I was picking up dog shit, I was cleaning up little boy pee, I was wiping up spills, I was making lunch, I was meal prepping, I was picking up and dropping off at multiple schools.  I was doing so much laundry on a regular basis that I didn't want to waste my "good clothes" on doing all this busy work and adding to my laundry. There were days no one really saw me besides my kids and whomever was at the preschool. I wasn't showing up in pajama pants so can it!

So here we are, myself and my favorite pair of yoga pants. I've been getting in some lovely, comfort-filled days with them this last week. Next week I will reunite with my old flame, Business Casual.  It's been a long time. I have to say I am pretty excited about getting back together. We shared some stylish times and I look forward to more. I know that my yoga pants will be faithfully waiting for me. I plan on early morning yoga and of course any lazy weekend that arises. A healthy break will do us some good. I know you can't always move backwards, but I think its worth a try to get back to the casual life we used to have together. Change comes with change.

I probably would have become just as attached to my yoga pant material booty shorts, if it weren't inappropriate to leave them house wearing them. Sometimes society's pull is a good thing.

So here's to change, in many forms. Lifestyle. Motherhood. Relationships. Yoga pants.

Reaction Matters

A couple of weeks back I was in the kitchen doing whatever it is I do to help the kids get ready for school. I'm guessing I was making eggs while trying to wipe down counters at the same time. 

This particular morning I was giving my oldest son a gentle, friendly talk about how he needs to be more positive. To talk positive, think positive, and only speak of positive. That this small effort would make his day a better one by automatically adjusting his attitude. I made it sound so simple. I went on and on about how what really matters is how we react to things, not really the "things" that happen. I told him I didn't want that bad juju in the start of my day and I didn't want it for him either. He asked me (with a bit of irritable sarcasm), "So, you're saying if I don't act more positive then bad things will happen?"

"No", I said. "You will be setting yourself up for a bad day is all."

Not two minutes later, I leaned way over the counter to wipe the other side. When I returned to a vertical stance my daughter said, "Oh mom! What happened to your brand new shirt?!"

Bleach! Bleach happened! Somehow I seem to get bleach on my shirts on a consistent basis. I wasn't even using bleach!

My natural reaction was attempting to push its way through the door. I wanted to curse and maybe throw the sponge across the kitchen into the sink. 

As I look down at the bleach stain though, I noticed that it was looking back at me. There it was like on Forrest Gump, a perfect upside down smiley face made of bleach on my new shirt.

The picture doesn't do it justice. It really looks like a happy ass smiling face. 

I stood there, looking at it. I swear I could hear it saying, "Now now, let's show your boy all about that positive attitude you were lecturing about. Be sure you prove to him how your reaction is what matters the most".

I was so torn for the moment. I just bought this shirt! I wasn't even using any bleach! I swallowed hard and I had to laugh a little. Not a joyous laugh, but that "You got me you smiley face son of a bitch" type of laugh. All three kids were watching me closely, waiting for me to react. This was definitely a test. I could feel the scale swaying back and forth. Both the stay positive side and the throw a fit side were so heavy.

"You see!", I exclaimed. "This is just what I was talking about. Normally I would get so upset about this kind of thing but instead I'm gonna take that smiley face as a sign that I should just smile about it."

The kids all smiled and we all genuinely felt that it was a thing. A smiley thing for our morning. My son lightened up and I kept my cool.

I did replace the shirt, but I couldn't get rid of the bleached one. It didn't seem right (yet) to toss out a symbol of mindfulness. 

Today, weeks later, I decided to wear that bleached shirt. I was in a piss poor mood and I thought the shirt would help remind me of the lesson we learned that day. It reminded me, but it didn't change my mood. I will give myself credit for wearing a bleached shirt to aide in my mindfulness, but I will also be mindful that sometimes you are just in a shit mood. If you can recognize that, it's the first step towards moving forward. Everything has to run its course, right?

Make the little things big.

It has been a long, thoughtful week.  It has been full of a wide range of activities and feelings. There was friends coming together for casual fun with food and laughter.  There was death and deep empathy with a thoughtful celebration of life.  There was resentment and frustration, but the beauty of  awareness making it capable to let go.  There were future plans made in excitement.  There was stress and worry about deadlines with confirmations for peace of mind. There was the challenge of being calm when it would be so much easier to let the ego take over, even for just a little bit. There were memories that take us back to a beautiful place but leave you with a bit of sadness that the place is only a memory now. 

As we live life, more and more people and places become just a memory.  It's a difficult transition to adjust to. It's painful and sad.  You are broken for a while.  You gradually come back together, but never exactly the same as before, just good enough to keep on living and loving. In a way, you become harder, your scar tissue becomes a type of shell that is hard to puncture.  At the same time though, you become much  more sensitive, things aren't always so impenetrable once they've been broken, but always resilient. That in itself is a form of strong, being resilient. If you won't allow yourself to be broken and renew,  how strong can you really be?  When you won't allow yourself to fall apart, you are hiding from pain.  As scary as it may be, it is necessary.

We all have our deamons. Some move in and out of our lives like a storm, others play a daily role, not leaving our side for long. Small joys. I've found that small joys can play a large role if you let them. Small joys are big if you see them that way.  

For me it's been a few things. Some are for me, some are for me and my connection to my family, my connection to my husband or my connection to myself. 

A spontaneous trip to the park with the kids after school. It breaks up our normal routine enough to give me a much needed boost. It may be the sunshine, the kids arguing outside instead of indoors :-) or maybe just the change of scenery in general. 

Tea. I've been drinking a beautiful cup of hot tea several times a day. I used to drink tea occasionally, usually from a coffee cup. I only pulled the tea cups out when my mom would visit. There is something about the act of drinking tea that demands respect. It forces me to sit and collect myself for a while. You can't rush through a cup of tea. I am a rusher by nature, so if I could, I would, but again there is just something about hot tea that demands respect. It takes me to a quiet place in my mind (even with noise around me and that's difficult for me!) Not many things have the ability to calm my thoughts and ease my tensions, so if a tiny cup of tea can do it, I welcome it all day! I've learned to allow it to take me to a quiet, thoughtful place of reflection and peace. I guess in a way, I drink several cups of tea, in pretty little cups and saucers as a form of meditation. For two weeks I've been taking tea with me on the go as well, so I can get to that quiet place while I'm out and about.  It's a little thing and it's big for me.

 Find what little thing is big for you, and make it even bigger.

License: <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

The Revolving Door

I didn't feel the need this year to post a New Year's blog entry.  I would typically list my New Year's intentions to look back at them later in the year to see how well I had done at committing to them.  We all know this typically leads to at least a bit of disappointment.  You can make a change for some time but can easily revert back.  My approach this year is different.  I'm looking at the year still as a metaphoric fresh start, but more in the form of a revolving door.  I am in charge of what comes in and out and I want it full of the wonderful things and people I deserve.  Not just for the year, but for my way of thinking.

A revolving door continues to move.  People go in and out, and through. Sometimes things get stuck and need a little push as it can be confusing and sometimes downright intimidating. What is going on inside of the door is changing on a consistent basis, but it possesses the solidity of staying what it truly is.  It is your responsibility to keep yourself happy. No person or thing can do this for you. People and things can bring joy, but joy isn't much enjoyed if you are not already in a state of happiness.

My intentions will continue to be my intentions, but I will be comfortable with the fact that some days I will honor my intentions, and other days I may set them aside.  No disappointment.  Everyday is a revolving door.  Every day is a fresh start.  I will remain who and what I am and continue to have consistent changes going on inside. I think that if we all become more comfortable with change, in any form, we will become more light and accepting of ourselves.  That's where all the progress begins, with self love and self acceptance.  It will then become clear to you what you desire and what you chose not to tolerate in your revolving door of life. Go after what you deserve. We all deserve our best selves. The revolving door never closes, but if you keep a steady flow of positive people, feelings, and activities, it leaves no room for the negative to creep in. There is no reason left to lock it up and hide.

I deserve plenty of good, whole foods and healthy activity revolving through my door.  Juicing, yoga, walks, hula hooping, bike riding, physical therapy.  I'm going to bask in the days and moments I'm involved in this self loving effort and will not beat myself up emotionally for the days and moments I don't do as well.  I've noticed in the past when I get off track, lets say I end up at the donut shop instead of eating oatmeal at home.  Or after a week of yoga and treadmill I don't get any activity besides housework and normal daily tasks. Instead of being OK with this small change and continuing on through the revolving door, revolving back into my good habits, I let the negative in.  The door gets clogged up with negative feelings of guilt and disappointment.  You're angry at yourself for making a poor choice and you end up stuck there, why not just eat ANOTHER donut? I already messed up.  I chose not to live there anymore.  I will make a solid effort of self love, but a big part of that is being OK and forgiving of change, even if change is eating a donut.

This door holds more than eating habits and physical activity.  The door lets in and out the kind of influence you want in your life. We all deserve beautiful souls, pure intent, and clear agendas from others. If you don't want negative influence, leave no room for it to squeeze through the door.  Fill it with positive people, positive thoughts, and things that you love. Do what serves you.  Be what serves you. Mood can be difficult.  Enjoy your good moods and try embracing your bad moods. I find that when I recognize my bad mood for what it is I can attempt to let go and get back to a more level ground. Sometimes you just have to live out your bad mood, but live it out to its end and move forward.  Harboring is exhausting and non productive. If you cannot recognize the state you are in, you will not recognize the need for change.

The most difficult feeling for me in the past has been sadness and grief.  We usually label these as negative feelings.  In reality, whatever is making you feel these feelings is the true negative culprit, the feelings are honest and true. The source could be betrayal, worry, loss, anger, heartbreak, or maybe even plain old depression. Those are negative, but the sadness and grief, although painful are natural and necessary to work through the negative situation. Separate the feeling from the cause.

Maybe you are scared, maybe you feel abandoned, maybe you lost a loved one, maybe a loved one is suffering. Are you worried about making big decisions or changes? Most of these and similar situations are out of our control, which is hard all on its own. Maybe shutting down and being alone gets you though, maybe surrounding yourself with friends and family gives you that push, maybe you cry, perhaps you write or exercise, maybe you scream into a pillow, or maybe you plow forward, not allowing yourself to feel these emotions. For some people this is how they get through a tough time, they feel it later. Every one's door revolves at it's own speed and in its own way.  Be you and do your way, but take some time to be conscious of what is revolving around and within in you. We are resilient creatures. Pain can haunt and change us, but it always leaves you deeper and with a better understanding of yourself.

What are your desires for this year? Do you want to get out more? Do you want to stay in more?  Do you want to learn more? Do you want to react less? Do you want to get healthier? I want to write more, I want to learn more in regards to knitting, I want to be more active and eat well. I want to make more time for me. I want to meditate more and stress less. We have control over all of these things simply by being conscious of what comes in and out of our revolving door. Surround yourself with who and what you love.  Be clear, to yourself and others about exactly what you want and do not want. I cannot tell you how much this simplifies your life. The more you simplify the more your door will work as a well oiled machine. Clean and free of debris.

Happy Sunday, keep revolving.

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/40650893@N04/6414291637">"Sometimes you have to forget what you want, to remember what you deserve." Unknown</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/100498911@N06/14164050480">Radical Self Love Bible | I Make Myself Happy</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/16782093@N03/4390777470">Lübeck</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

Recipe Share - Spiffed Up Protein Packed Oatmeal

I hated oatmeal as a kid. When I got a little older I was ok with the flavored oatmeal packet, apple cinnamon being a favorite. As an adult, the more I learned about food and ingredients it became apparent that those little oatmeal packets were often filled with unnecessary, unhealthy ingredients.

A few years back my friend Missy turned me on to Irish Steel Cut Oatmeal. I was in love at first bite. You could keep it simple or add a complexity of nutrient packed goodies to it. (Also true for regular oats, but there's something about the texture of Irish oatmeal I love).

I thought I would share this morning's Irish oatmeal concoction.

I was making a double serving so I boiled 1 1/2 cups water and added 1/2 cup of Irish Oats. I threw in whatever delicious power foods I had in the house. This included:

A spoonful of chia seeds

A spoonful of ground flax seed

A dash of organic honey

A pinch of cinnamon

And a half a handful of shredded coconut.

After stirring and low-boiling for about 5 minutes I added a splash or two of almond milk and let it simmer just a minute or two longer (any milk will do although I stay away from dairy. Coconut milk and almond milk are my favorites).

Viola! Dish into a bowl and throw some blueberries on top to add that little bit of tang that makes oatmeal more exciting!

The chia seeds add fiber, unsaturated fats, and high quality protein. 

The flax seeds add fiber and Omega-3's.

Not to mention all the fiber you get from oatmeal along with it being a low calorie food.

My youngest loves this oatmeal. He was feeling creative and wanted to mix his with Greek yogurt. Unfortunately it was a fail :-(

He settled on plain vanilla Greek yogurt with blueberries.

Let me know if you try it and what other tasty ingredients you decide to toss in!

Happy, healthy eats!